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"Focus on Foreplay—but Don’t Treat It Like a Deleted Scene

As Hart puts it, most of the porn you’re seeing is very penis-centric—so if you’re planning to get tips on pleasing the ladies, porn might not be the best source material.

Most porn, Hart says, is just “two minutes of foreplay and then, ‘We’re just f*cking now.’ That’s not what a lot of people’s bodies can do.”

What you’re often missing is the behind-the-scenes aspects of porn production. “Most studios don’t show the process of getting lubed up, but there’s so much involved to prepare that is deemed societally unsexy. That is super important, but it’s not a real expectation.”

Hart stresses that many women need a lot more foreplay to get themselves warmed up for sex than what you see onscreen. “Bodies are very finicky sometimes and some of them require a lot of preparation; they need different levels of care. A lot of people, especially people who don’t have a lot of sexual experience, can look at porn and think, ‘Okay, this is how it’s supposed to happen.’” It’s not, so lay on the foreplay and listen to what she, and her body, are telling you.

Don’t Expect to Become a Marathon Man

If sex were like porn, all men could keep it up for hours through multiple scenes and positions. That’s not even remotely close to reality.

“People, especially dudes, think that going into porn is a really easy job,” Hart says, “It’s actually really difficult physically.” That level of sexual endurance is normalized in porn—but “it’s important not to hold yourself up to those standards,” she says.

Having sex like a porn star might sound like a worthy goal, but it’s impractical, and it’s not what women are looking for. “Male porn performers are held to very stringent expectations when it comes to keeping themselves hard for a long amounts of time.” Unless a women has learned everything she knows about sex from porn as well, she’s not expecting that from you—so don’t psych yourself out.

Of course, if you’re actually having problems with premature ejaculation, here’s some practical advice about how to last longer in bed, and suggestions on improving your stamina during sex.

Make It About Her

If you want to use porn for sexual education, you need to change up your source material. There’s been a rise in many porn studios that cater to female-friendly porn that produce body-positive, feminist films. These films “focus more on oral sex or fingering—anything that’s not as penis-centric, which is really great to watch,” Hart explains. “You get this idea drilled into your head that penis-in-vagina is what normal sex looks like, but it can be so much more. There’s such a wide breadth of things that derive sexual pleasure.”

So if you’re looking for practical inspiration, turn to pornography that’s produced by women, for women, and you’ll get a better idea of the variety of ways you can please a woman."

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