TonioTimeDaily

"6 signs of sexual shame, according to sex experts 1. Insecurity with the self

Sexual shame often manifests as a disconnection from the self, says Megwyn White, sexologist, licensed sex coach, and director of education at sexual-wellness product brand Satisfyer. “One of the key components to sexual shame is a break in the natural flow of personal expression and experience of the body,” she says. According to research, people who identify as women and who are not comfortable with the appearance of their genitals may experience a flood of intense self-judgment after sex or self-consciousness or body insecurity during sex.

2. A certain physical stature or diminished voice

Sexual shame can also present in how we carry ourselves. For example, maybe you frequently cross your arms, hunch your shoulders, slouch, or struggle to make or hold eye contact with partners. “The voice may also be affected in that there is a general inhibition to make sound during sexual exploration,” says White, who adds feeling uncomfortable expressing desires and needs during sex is a sign of shame as well.

3. Sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction

Sexual response typically reflects sexual energy (or arousal) that flows freely. “When shame is present, it constitutes a closed state in which sexual energy cannot flow to produce arousal, excitement, or orgasm,” says Aaron. Correlation is not causation, though, which is to say that lack of arousal does not mean shame is definitely present. Smith adds that shame can make communicating with sexual partners difficult, which can, in turn, make sex less pleasureful.

4. Trouble with intimacy and relationships

“Shame is expressed through avoidance or being shut down and inhibited. Each of these responses is a form of distancing from the action or activity,” says Aaron. In this way, shame can lead you to forms walls, limits, and boundaries that may make relationships feel less secure and intimate. “I've worked with folks who avoided dating for years because they were terrified of what would happen if they got close enough to someone to become sexually intimate,” says Smith.

5. Viewing sex as “bad” or something that you “shouldn’t do”

“Some experience deep feelings of regret and shame immediately after any sexual encounter,” says Smith, who notes she has worked with women who bought vibrators in an attempt to masturbate, then threw them away after being overcome with shame.

“The shaming of masturbation is damaging because as children, masturbation is our first method to connect with our genitals and sexual pleasure,” says Aaron. “When masturbation is forbidden, the training from young is to view our genitals, sexuality, and sexual pleasure as shameful.” Yes, sexual shame starts that young.

6. You’re uncomfortable talking about sex

Some people feel nervous, or a deep burning embarrassment, when the topic of sex comes up, which Smith says is a sign of sexual shame. The typical response to shame is hiding it, but that’s the same way shame grows. “It’s also why being able to admit to what you’re ashamed of is the first step in overcoming it,” says White. “Once sexual shame is in the light, it can dissolve more easily.”

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/antonio-myers4/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/antonio-myers4/support