TonioTimeDaily

When it comes to sex, I am always evolving, never stagnant! I am going to have my safe, sane, and consensual fun with " safe and sane groupies" and "safe and sane fans". 

"1.  Being Present.

The most predominant and fully articulated characteristic of great sex among our participants was of being “fully present” and “totally absorbed in the moment.” They described utter immersion and intensely focused attention. It is as though everything is happening in slow motion and to allow it to continue, one must simply trust in the experience.

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Participants spoke of heightened bodily sensations and awareness while turning their minds off. They were fully embodied, in touch with sensory experience . . . and “attune themselves to each moment.” They spoke about letting go so that they could surrender to bodily experience itself: “My body is moving but I’m not moving it.” It is as though they choose to be swept away, giving themselves over to “an overload of sensations.” It involved, “Reaching the point where arousal overcomes thinking,” and “I stop the running commentary in my head … I don’t have to think about where to place my hand -it just goes there.” Another laughed, “The first clue that it’s great sex is that you’re not wondering if it is or not. In fact, you’re not thinking at all! You recognize it after the fact.”

Participants pointed out almost universally that, whereas other kinds of sexual interaction may be physically satisfying and emotionally fulfilling, this quality of being entirely alive in their bodies with no mental interference was the hallmark of great sex. They spoke of the fluidity of great tension building in their bodies interspersed with the willingness to release. One described it as, “an ongoing orgasmic state, even without orgasm.”

2.  Authenticity

Being present was inextricably linked for most participants with a second component of being themselves, feeling free to be themselves with their partners, and being relentlessly honest with themselves. Honesty and openness to one’s own desires were critical elements in several ways: Firstly, they serve as prerequisites for having great sex; that is, one cannot typically communicate one’s desires without some knowledge of them.

Secondly, the feeling of being uninhibited and un-self-conscious was freeing and energizing. “The trick is to stop getting in your own way.” Thus, participants spoke of feeling uninhibited, of having chosen to turn off their own filters, and being free of self-censoring. Giving authentic expression to one’s erotic desires opened up unforeseen possibilities in the encounter with oneself and the partner(s). As one participant said, “It gave me my voice.”

Thirdly, the act of being emotionally naked with a partner or partners was in itself exquisite. The emotional power of being genuine, being seen and known authentically was described repeatedly as a gift. “I am at my most powerful when I am at my most vulnerable – that is when I feel my greatest strength. I am completely stripped bare and if they can reach in and grab it and play with it, I love it!”

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Many participants mentioned self-knowledge as a pursuit, a journey, and a goal in their lives and regarded extraordinary sexual experiences as a vehicle for personal growth and adventure. For them, sexual encounters provide a unique and treasured opportunity for growth, for welcoming of unknowns, with the partner acting as a catalyst to effect self- discovery. As Townsend (1971) wrote, “I’m looking for that free ride to me, I’m looking for you.”

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