Autism is my super blessing! I'm a high-school valedictorian, college graduate, world traveler, disability advocate. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I'm a Progressive Liberal. I'm about equal rights, human rights, civil & political rights, & economic, social, &cultural rights. I do servant leadership, boundless optimism, & Oneness/Wholeness. I'm good naked & unashamed! I love positive personhood, love your neighbor as yourself, and do no harm! I'm also appropriately inappropriate! My self-ratings: NC-17, XXX, X, X18+ & TV-MA means empathy! I publish shows at 11am! Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support
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episode 92: I have a preference for women that society calls "plus-sized".
"I refuse to compare myself to other women.
The comparison trap is the quintessential Debbie Downer of any woman’s life. It just is. This is especially true when it comes to the “oops, I compared myself to my skinny friend” moment.
An unforgettable story from my life: Last year, I went to lunch with my dear and pint-size friend Kari. Afterward, she wanted to do what many of us love to do … shop. Problem was, she dragged me to one of those tiny-people boutiques where the biggest waist size probably wouldn’t even fit my arm. Yes, arm. Just one of them.
I didn’t quite know what to do, so I pretended to be interested in the clothes, of which the largest size I could find was eight. Yes, I was the elephant in the room. And I don’t mean in the size kind of way. I mean in the “what do we do with her” kind of way. (Girl, I know you’ve been there.)
“Can I help you find something?” the kind clerk asked. I had no clue what to say. It’s not like I’m going to open up and blurt out “you know you can’t.” In the meantime, my mind took off on a sprint. If only … if only … if only. I started comparing myself to my petite friend, feeling anything but happy and sexy. Every ounce of self-esteem I had worked so hard to build went out the window in two seconds or less. Why? I wasn’t prepared for how I would keep myself out of this mindframe … a toxic thinking catastrophe we’ve all experienced.
OK, you can’t specifically prepare yourself for every spontaneous experience. But you can prepare in a general way with a little pep talk. For example, I might say: “Put the focus back on yourself, Mary Beth. You are beautiful and amazing exactly as you are.” Then, I start listing all of the positives about myself so that I’m not caught up in someone else’s reality.
Your pep talk will be unique to you. And if you’re really struggling, remember to start small. You might not immediately believe it if you say “I am beautiful.” So start with the small aspects that you see beauty in. This is a little trick I learned from my buddy Jodi, who is a therapist. You can say: “I have beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile. I am a hard worker and a very giving person.” This may sound vanilla, but you’ve got to start somewhere."
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