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Roman Mironov is a coach trained by a Tony Robbins' program, helping people create amazing relationships and a happy lifestyle.

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Roman Mironov

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Roman Mironov

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

relationship, roman, people, divorce, unconditional love, talking, partner, support, baggage, boundaries, ed, watters, podcast, money, person, listen, point, important, wife, coaching

SPEAKERS

Ed Watters, Roman Mironov

Ed Watters 00:01

Recently, I sat down with Roman Mironov. Roman is a relationship coach. And we had a very interesting conversation. During this unique conversation, you're going to hear Roman talk about unconditional love, and invisible tubes, the love language. Also, the highlight of the show for me was when Roman talked about how to turn your baggage into knowledge. This is a very interesting interview that we all need to listen to. Because we all have relationships. And sometimes, we need to listen to outside sources. And this is a wonderful source to listen to, because he's been there in the trench in that depressive time of divorce. It's unique when you can talk to somebody that has went through a divorce, because divorce is something you don't want. And Roman can help you develop skills to avoid those dark depressive times during a break up, or how to avoid them all together, you should really connect with Roman and get involved with him. Let's not waste any time and get into this interview with Roman. To overcome, you must educate. Educate not only yourself, but educate anyone seeking to learn. We are all Dead America, we can all learn something. To learn. We must challenge what we already understand. The way we do that is through conversation. Sometimes we have conversations with others. However, some of the best conversations happen with ourselves. Reach Out and challenge yourself. Let's dive in and learn something right now. And welcome today we have a great guest with us. Roman Mironov. Roman is a relationship coach, which has been trained by Tony Robbins, would you please introduce yourself? And could you let people know just a little bit about yourself and what you do Roman?

Roman Mironov 03:01

Yeah. Hi, Ed. Thank you for having me today. It's a privilege. Thank you so much. So yeah, I am a relationship coach. And I had my training with a Tony Robbins program. It's called Robbins-Madanes training. And my goal in life is to help people create a happier lifestyle for themselves. And with special focus on relationships.

Ed Watters 03:28

What made you get into being a relationship coach, after you went through a divorce?

Roman Mironov 03:35

That's correct. So that was one big reason. I failed in my marriage, and my wife got a divorce. So I had to, I had to realize that that was a painful realization that I was I actually sucked with women. I do not understand them at all. I did not understand how to build a relationship and how to keep it going. So I went out and started dating, started creating relationships, practicing every tip that I could get my hands on. And I think I learned a lot. So I felt that now I could actually help people with this. Because I'm relatable. And I have this knowledge. There was one thing. The other thing is that I am a big fan of self improvement. And Tony Robbins especially, I believe that the self improvement tools that we have available to us, really, really help us. And I do believe that we can help people with those tools. I thought that I could, you know use just be a great help to people in that area. And the third thing is I actually moved from Russia to Canada last year. So I had been a translator for 14 years before that. And after moving, I thought, okay, what's my next? What's next for me? I wanted to shift my career. And I got into coaching. So these three things they band together, and that's how I am now.

Ed Watters 05:28

Well, that sure is a great way to get into the profession. You know, the number one thing that I say a good relationship needs is good communication. Why do you think we find it so hard to communicate with the one that is so close to us?

Roman Mironov 05:53

First of all, Ed let me really acknowledge you for this understanding? Because I totally agree. Communication is the blood flow in your relationship. That's true. I think one big reason, like, philosophical reason is that over time, people build resentment toward each other. And every time they add to that resentment, they stop talking to each other, or reduce communication. And just with time, it becomes like a snowball the silence in the relationship. So people really get used to the silence. As a result, the next thing they know, few years down the road, they just don't talk anymore. They forgot how to do it, they just really forgot how to do it, because silence has become their default mode. And on a more practical level, so one thing that happens to relationships is that people actually use silence, the silent treatment as punishment. So instead of resolving their problems by talking to each other, they say, okay, you did something that I don't like, or you didn't do something that I wanted you to do. And now I'm going to give you the silent treatment. This. Yeah, this creates silence that I was talking about.

Ed Watters 07:18

Yeah. You know, I've been in a relationship. I've been married 35 years, together with my wife, 37 years. Yeah, relationship is definitely hard. Taking responsibility for our own actions can be difficult. How important is taking responsibility for our own actions in a relationship?

Roman Mironov 07:45

Wow, yeah, of course, it is important. And one thing that, you know, I think people fail in one area is that they think that the problem is out there. They think that, like, if they're not happy with their relationship, the problem was, that it was the other partner. They think that Oh, let's say they, they don't cook for me. Whereas I want them to cook for me. And they don't do it. See, they look for the problem in their partner. But if they take 100% responsibility, if they are proactive, they will look at themselves, they will see that is just, you know, a wish that they have, and maybe it's maybe it's not realistic. And what they can do then, they can become a role model. And exemplify the change that they want to see in their partner. Let's say they start cooking more. And they inspire the partner by talking about cooking, by showing how great it is to cook. And the next thing they know, very likely that your partner will start cooking. So that's how you take responsibility for what for your part in the relationship. And that's how you inspire your partner to be better.

Ed Watters 09:14

Another big thing about relationships, I ran across a gentleman that taught boundaries. His name is Gary Smalley, and he does Relationship Coaching also. And he pointed out that boundaries are so important in any type of relationship. What would be your process of identifying where your boundaries are set?

Roman Mironov 09:44

Oh, I think it's pretty easy. If you are thinking about your own boundaries, I normally take my clients through this process of usually this happens at a point when the relationship is pretty challenging and they are they're even considering a breakup, so I sit down with them, and I tell them, okay, let's, let's write down what's critical for you. What you can accept, and what do you cannot accept, basically, let's say you cannot accept, like things that are abusive, for example, when your partner tells you something that is really offensive. So case, the first point that you're writing down is this, I cannot accept offensive remarks from you, because they are putting me down. And this is going to be a boundary.

Ed Watters 10:34

Now money, it's often a big part of any problem in a relationship. How can we avoid putting money in front of our relationships?

Roman Mironov 10:46

Yeah, that's a good question. That's true. I think I think the first, the first recommendation is, of course, to make enough money. That Solves like 95% of the problem. Because if you don't have enough money, you will have fights about it. There's there's just no other way. And so you need to go see the root problem, which is really not having enough money. fixing it, and then you can resolve the remaining 5%. Basically, is you need to resolve the the root issue. That's what I believe your couple can be happy without money. But it's so difficult, so difficult. And why would you want to do that? Why would you want to make things difficult for yourself,

Ed Watters 11:44

now if if I can interrupt just for a moment, Roman, I want to put in a little context here, about our economy today. And really, neither person can do anything about what the economy is really diving into during this COVID pandemic that we're dealing with. So there's some times that these things happen, where we just can't control it. And we're still going to feel that anger and hostility about not having enough to get through. That's a very hard, Rocky time in any relationship. I've been there many times. But pulling through that together, and understanding that money is not everything in life, getting over the challenge of being without, I just listened to a podcast that you were on, and you were talking about your father saying, Well, if things go bad, he would just go live in a tent on the beach, and he would be happy anyway. That's kind of what I'm talking about with that money. So how can we deal with that better and understand each other and not put pressure on one another? About Hey, you need to go get a job. You bum. When when there's not that real necessity to condemn each other for a situation that maybe neither one can control?

Roman Mironov 13:34

Okay, yeah. Good point. Though, aside from that, the general recommendation that I gave, I believe that here, the couple must exercise unconditional love, which is giving an acceptance to each other, accepting each other as they are without any expectations. So for example, when it comes to money, you say, Yeah, of course. Like you say to your partner, of course, I understand that. You don't have the ability to make money now. And it's totally okay. And I'm here to support you. I'm here to give you love. I'm here to help you, emotionally and financially to go through this. And you can get whatever support you need from me. And this is actual, something that I do. I do see my female clients a lot because they're often afraid of losing their job. And they and they tell me, I want my husband or I want my boyfriend to be supportive here. Because if they would just tell me that they would support me through this period, let's say two or three months without me having to, to struggle and maybe find a temporary job that I don't want to work, I want to spend those two or three months just looking for what I really want. So if I could be free from worry, and depression about this, through my husband or my boyfriend helping me with this just supporting me, this would mean a world to me. So they really like this female class that I'm talking about, they crave this support from their man. And men can score so many points for themselves here, if they do this, and it's quite simple, right? Just, you know, just hear her out. Just give her some support. And just and also give her this little financial support over these months, and she will just love you.

Ed Watters 15:58

Okay, you've been through a divorce. You know, I've never experienced divorce, my parents are divorced, my wife's parents are divorced. So we kind of looked on as children, to these divorced parents. And I noticed my parents, for instance, they had baggage, and they just took the baggage to another relationship with them. How can we help people that have went through a divorce, not to bring the old baggage with them into this new relationship?

Roman Mironov 16:40

Yeah, that's very a good question. And before before diving into it, actually, I want to say that I really admire you guys, you and your wife, because what you did this is fantastic. You're a transitional people, you stopped the, stopped the pain that was going in, in the previous generation. So in your generation, there's not going to be a kind of pain. And they're likely that your, your kids will have healthy functional relationships, because they now see your example. Rather than seeing a divorced family. And, and when it comes to baggage, there are a lot of techniques that you can actually use. But the basic idea is to release the pain that you have, release the emotion. The first step is to go through the rejection, which happens after divorce or after any break up, you go through the rejection. Then you go to acceptance. Oh, your your goal is to accept the emotion accept the fact that it happened and say, Yeah, what's the lesson in it for me, What does this break up, Or does divorce tell me About What kind of changes do I need to make in myself? So you need to learn the lesson there. And when you learn the lesson, and you look at the experience, as it was a lesson, that's when you turn this baggage into knowledge. speaking metaphorically. Yeah. And from there, you just don't have it. I know, it's not easy. Of course, I do recognize that. So that requires quite a lot of inner work. That's how we get there. So you really change your focus, you give a different meaning to what happened. And then you say, I'm going to just become a better person through this. And I will use this knowledge to make my next relationship better. At the very least I know myself better at this point. I know what kind of mistakes I could make. And I just don't want to repeat those mistakes.

Ed Watters 19:08

Yeah, that's really good advice. Roman, do you want to marry again? And if so,what would you change?

Roman Mironov 19:16

 All that this is such a great question. First of all, I am so much looking forward to creating a second family and I'm sure that is going to be like the only family that I have. Because I want it to be final. Yeah the very first thing I would do is building it based on unconditional love from the get-go I never knew what unconditional love was in my in my previous family. I know it now, I believe at least I know it better. And that's what I'm going to use in as the guiding principle in my new family. Now I know that as you know, as Stephen Covey teaches Love is a verb. So you love the other person by actually loving them. And you don't, you don't need to actually be feeling the love for them because so many people say, Okay, I am going to love the other person when I have, like, feelings for them. But General, that's not how it works. Feelings are good, feelings, you know, subside with time, and then you know when the newness wanes off, but we can actually make, make it a practice to love the other person. And by doing that, amazing things happen. First of all, when we love them, we give them love, we feel it as well. That's how unconditional love works. You share your love, and you feel it inside. And then you see that it makes the other person happy. And it makes us happy as well. Right? Especially for men, because men, are men, are geared toward making their women happy. And the third thing is that when our partner realizes that we'll love them unconditionally, they realize, Wow, it's actually okay for me to love the other person as well. And that's when they reciprocate. So that's what I'm going to use as the guiding principle in my family. And, look, I visualize a family with a wife and three kids. And I imagined how how the five of us are all interconnected to each other, through these invisible tubes, and through these tubes flows, emotional support, love, warmth, great energy, enthusiasm, and encouragement all the time. So was like, now, I really get emotional, even just talking about that. Thank you for this question. Ed

Ed Watters 22:21

Now, that's, that's one of the good questions. And you know, it, it is one of those defining things that make a person, how they're going to overcome and change after failure. And I really applaud you. I've listened to a lot of your content, and you have a very rock solid look on life now. And I'm sure that even though we see things as a failure, it can also be a new beginning. So I applaud you for what you are doing out there. How important is it to spend quality time with your partner?

Roman Mironov 23:11

Oh my God, it's so important. It's so important. Everyone, especially women, they want 100% attention. So anytime that you spend with your partner, you should be giving them that attention. You should be listening to them very carefully, you should be listening actively acknowledging what you're hearing so that you really feel, really help them to feel heard out. That's so important. You also need to ask high quality questions. You also want to learn the love language of your partner, and to understand how they want to receive love. You know, some people prefer just like physical touch, others prefer receiving gifts, others prefer acts of service. So on, that will make your time more, also the time you spend together quality time. And that's actually one of the love love languages. Yeah, spending quality time with each other. Some people like that language. And, you know, I always recommend talking a lot every day to each other like having deep conversations, going for walks together, having at least one date night a week. All those things are really, really quality time and they Yeah, they make a difference in a relationship. So it's it's really important to understand that you need to set, set aside these special time zones for you guys to talk to each other and do always quality time activities, because it's so easy to forget about those, right? Because you know, especially now that so many people work from home, work can swell up and actually take like your entire day. And you need those time zones, you need to think strategically about all the...