Autism is my super blessing! I'm a high-school valedictorian, college graduate, world traveler, disability advocate. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I'm a Progressive Liberal. I'm about equal rights, human rights, civil & political rights, & economic, social, &cultural rights. I do servant leadership, boundless optimism, & Oneness/Wholeness. I'm good naked & unashamed! I love positive personhood, love your neighbor as yourself, and do no harm! I'm also appropriately inappropriate! My self-ratings: NC-17, XXX, X, X18+ & TV-MA means empathy! I publish shows at 11am! Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support
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episode 21: My Consensual Non-Monogamy
"Compersion vs. jealousy.
Emotions do not exist on a hierarchy, meaning one is not “better” than the other. All emotions that we feel as humans are good and natural — it’s what we do with them that counts. Anger can be productive when managed effectively, and so can an emotion like jealousy. Our emotions are a roadmap to what’s important to us and what may need extra attention. Jealousy in a consensually non-monogamous relationship happens, especially when many of us are deeply programmed for monogamy. Comparable to an emotion like anxiety, jealousy may remind you of that alarm that goes off in our brains when we sense a threat or danger.
Compersion is the opposite of jealousy — it is a sense of happiness for a partner when they have a new sexual or emotional experience. Essentially, you feel happy for someone about something that has nothing to do with you, like maybe when your ex gets married. Compersion is a skill that takes lots of practice for many — after all, jealousy is evolutionary and biologically part of our make-up. Learning how to practice compersion takes a dash of patience, empathy, and some cognitive reframing. Cognitive reframing can include reminding yourself of the relationship agreements mentioned above, reasons why your relationship is secure, why you trust your partner(s), etc. Compersion, regardless of the label on your relationship, will only serve it well. And if you find yourself experiencing jealousy, don’t be so hard on yourself. Perfection is an illusion in every form.
Whether you’ve been in consensual non-monogamous relationships before or you’re simply pondering on it, you did it! You immersed yourself, in some capacity, into something that the greater public may insult and frown upon and, that dear, takes strength in itself. That means you have the muscle to overcome any nuances or challenges that this open relationship throws your way. After all, you aren’t arriving empty-handed — you’ve got plenty of tools in between these lines."
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