TonioTimeDaily

"1. There’s Nothing Wrong with You

Or phrased another way, “It’s not you. It’s society.”

When something is a taboo, that doesn’t make it inherently wrong or bad on its own.

In a culture that demonizes and moralizes a/sexuality as a whole – especially a/sexuality that exists outside of monogamous, vanilla partnerships – practically everyone is a “deviant” in some shape or form.

But that’s society’s baggage, not yours.

There are so many myths about kink – and they’re centered on the false idea that kinky people are broken or deviant, which simply isn’t true.

Are you being safe? Are you getting affirmative consent? Are you making sure not to harm anyone? Are you communicating openly with your partner(s)?

These are the questions that should matter – and the fact that our culture seems more concerned with what people are doing, rather than how safely and responsibly folks are doing it, points to a larger issue with how we view and educate folks in this society.

And I don’t know about you, but I’m engaging with these questions constantly, as are most of the kinky people I know. If anything, that says to me that we’re doing something right.

2. You Aren’t the Only One

Not too long ago, I was having dinner with one of my best friends. After we started talking, we discovered that we shared some of the same exact kinks.

We never thought in a million years that we’d meet someone in-person who was into it, let alone someone that had been there all along. And, yet, there we were.

I never saw it coming. Not only was this a huge relief – it actually brought us a lot closer together.

This taught me a really important lesson about the assumptions I was making. Namely, that kinky people only existed in obscure corners of the Internet and that I couldn’t possibly find someone who liked the same things.

It’s really comforting to know that kinky folks are real – that they aren’t just magical unicorns that exist only in our imagination.

It can take some time to find a community, but whether it’s online or off, I can promise you that you aren’t alone.

Who knows. Someone you see every day might be into the same thing!

3. It Doesn’t Matter How ‘Weird’ It Is

When I began to explore my desire around kink, I was worried about how “weird” I was.

This was one of my biggest hangups.

I hear this a lot from people who are struggling with accepting their kink. Because there’s so much stigma around any kind of play that isn’t “vanilla,” it’s easy to feel like what you’re into is too peculiar or strange.

When I brought this up to a friend, he really put things into perspective when he said to me, “Who the hell cares?”

I used to spend a lot of time defending my sexuality as being “not that weird,” very concerned with whether or not I was too “out there.” But when I started connecting with other kinky people, I realized it wasn’t worth worrying about – and that I was actually in great company."

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