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"Take Control – Learn How To Respond To Your Harassers

In her book “Back Off! How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Harassers”, street harassment expert Martha Langelan suggests that confronting individual harassers can buck the gender power imbalance at the heart of a harassing behavior by showing that the harassee is neither a passive object of lust nor a hysterical victim.

An assertive, forceful response can have the short-term (and very satisfying) effect of disconcerting the harasser, and the long-term effect of creating an environment that makes it more difficult for harassers to harass:

• Try all-purpose statements: “Stop harassing. I don’t like it. No one likes it. Show some respect.” Or, “When you do A, it makes me feel B, and I want C.” “When you say, ‘hey sexy’, it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I’d prefer just a hello.”
• Name the behavior and then make a command: “Your hand is on my thigh. Remove it now.” “Your comments are homophobic/transphobic. Stop it.” “You’re taking pictures of the women on this train without their consent. It’s incredibly disrespectful. Stop right now.”

Try not to get aggressive or swear at harassers. Aggressive responses can lead to the harasser becoming aggressive in turn or not listening to the anti-harassment message you’re trying to get across.

Langelan asks, “Which is more likely to make someone change their behavior calling them stupid or getting them to call themselves stupid?

Talking back to harassers can be empowering and can provide a firm and fair disincentive to harassers to continue their behavior, but harassees shouldn’t feel pressured to respond every time. That kind of undertaking could be exhausting and potentially unsafe.

Always make sure to use your instincts on whether or not a response might lead to a harasser escalating the situation."

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