TonioTimeDaily

"1. Denial

Denying we could ever have racist thoughts, or that we reap the benefits as a member of the majority race, is a common defense of liberal White Americans. By denying the existence of our racist thoughts, we negate the depth of the racial divide.

“But I don’t even see color.”

As if by being “colorblind” we can resolve the racial pain people of color live out. Pendler and Beverly note, “An inability to be open to the possibility that the experience of the other could be valid is a consistent element of white supremacy.”

2. Shame and Hurt

When focus remains on the White person, and our emotional wounds, this is classic deflection and redirection.

“I’m so embarrassed I said that!”

This common phrase can be heard when something hurtful may have been said to a person of color. The truly injured party, however, remains unrecognized. By having the courage to confront a racial slight, a person of color is made to feel that they have misread us, or hurt our feelings.

We might also say: “I’m hurt that you think of me like that.” This further draws the attention back to us, and away from the real issue of pain felt by the person of color. When sympathy transfers to the white person, no awareness or learning occurs. No trust is built.

Try this next time you’re confronted with something insensitive: “I hear how my words or actions hurt you. Thank you for pointing that out to me.”

3. Checking Out and Ignorance

Shutting down or going blank is a common symptom of white fragility. Racism retains a foothold when white people reach a threshold in their racial sensitivity and invoke their white privilege to “check out,” and go silent, instead of sticking out the racial awareness process.

The other side of that coin is simply to choose ignorance.

“I had no idea about that!”

You’re feeling of being clueless leads to detachment. The responsibility to look inward is traded for making the person of color “assume the responsibility for bringing cultural and racial awareness to the surface.”

4. Masochism

When a white liberal’s guilt runs amuck, it may become a deep-seated need to take his or her racial lumps. Taking the neighborhood’s homeless black man in for a meal may help him, but does the giving come from a place of joy or guilt? What happens when he steals from you?

In retrospect, was your original act helpful or masochistic? Perhaps a $10 donation on the street might have served both of you better. White liberals, who unconsciously seek self-punishment for historical oppression, appear racially sensitive.

But they actually perpetuate racism by simply becoming “a receptacle for potential and actual abuse,” instead of examining their racially-biased behavior.

5. Apology and Faux Compassion

“I’m so sorry. I feel your pain.”

This is an example of a deflective technique many white people use to draw attention away from an initial, biased encounter. Again, not taking time to look inward stops short of sincere sensitivity.

Pendler and Beverly comment, “While displaying empathy toward another is often associated with an act of connection, the speed with which white people rush to express sympathy and understanding, at the expense of acknowledging their participation in racist behavior and ideology, discourages a deep relational connection in the moment.”

Basically, don’t apologize first. Try this instead: “I’m here to listen and learn.”

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