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"THE 12 PILLARS OF POLYAMORY I. AUTHENTICITY You must know yourself and be comfortable being you.  You need to know without question the differences between your love needs and wants.  Do you know your languages of love and which of them apply to you?  (words of affirmation, touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service)   Do you know and accept your sexuality – kinks and all?  Are you genuine with yourself and are you comfortable sharing yourself as you really are with others?  Can you be the person you really are?  And if you are unsure, can you admit this to others?   A good grasp of your sense of self is mandatory. Polyamory is about VARIETY.  I firmly believe that included in our authenticity is an honest acceptance of our need for variety – variety in our sexual and relationship needs and wants. II. CHOICE A grounded and balanced Poly understands they are free to make decisions about how they will live their life.  They are free to choose.  For example, every day you choose to stay with your partners. Of course your choices may cause conflict with partners who think they know what is good for you.  Ask your partners for their opinions, think them over, and then make your own choices.   You will make and be responsible for your own mistakes. Watch out for those in your life who want to control you and limit your choices. III. TRUST A quick definition of trust is:  firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.   An example might be condom use.  You agree with all your partners to use condoms with everyone who is not your primary.  You believe that they will do what they say they will do. You want to know that your partners will behave responsibly.  In fact, an older term for Polyamory is “responsible non-monogamy”. Trust is always an “iffy” thing, as we all know how easy it may be to break that trust in the heat of passion. Keeping your partners trust and honoring agreements may well be one of the most difficult aspects of Polyamory.  I fail from time to time but I communicate, confess and just deal with the aftermath.  Sometimes this not a lot of fun. IV. GENDER EQUALITY What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Different rules for different genders are not allowed. A lady friend of mine has a bit of trouble with this concept.  She is Poly and very much in love with her primary.  She continues to date others, but he, being consumed with New Relationship Energy (NRE), preferred to be monogamous.  As his NRE cooled and he became more comfortable with Poly thinking (and multipartnering) he began to develop an interest in other women.  She was distraught, entered psychotherapy and now, months later she is still in therapy and still not comfortable with him dating. It is easy to embrace the concept of Polyamory but the practice is sometimes hard.  It may take years to feel at ease with the Poly lifestyle. Let me add a word or two here about women and Polyamory.  There is a saying that men often have to beg women to come to the first Polyamory party.  But by the third party he has to beg her to come home.  Women seem to love Polyamory and as you look over Poly history you find many women who are the movers and shakers in the Poly community. It is my impression that men are more often prone to have difficulty sharing their women with other men." --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/antonio-myers4/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/antonio-myers4/support