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"2. Don’t Reveal Personal Information About Anyone Without Their Permission

We all know it’s not okay to tell secrets. But even if someone hasn’t prefaced a statement by whispering “I have a secret,” they still may not want you to repeat it.

Even if someone has nothing to be ashamed of, they may want to keep information about themselves from others for a number of reasons, such as fear that they won’t react kindly. For example, it’s never okay to reveal someone’s sexual orientation if they aren’t out or to reveal that someone has been sexually assaulted without their permission.

It’s also not okay to tell other people about problems someone else is having.

This can be difficult when these problems involve you and you want someone to confide in. It’s fine and often necessary to talk about conflicts you’re having with others, but try to find someone who doesn’t know the other party.

I once made the mistake of venting about an argument with a significant other to a mutual friend. I thought he’d have a greater understanding of the situation than anyone else because he knew both of us.

That may have been true, but it wasn’t worth it. After I revealed that I had confided in his friend, my partner felt we’d both violated his trust. I didn’t have his consent to reveal details of our relationship to someone he knew. I should have vented to a friend who wasn’t close with him.

It’s also important to recognize that someone’s decision to reveal information about themselves in one context doesn’t mean they want it aired in another.

Discussing something with one group of friends doesn’t mean you want all your friends to know it. And revealing someone about yourself once doesn’t mean you’re willing to talk about it at any given moment.

Artists, writers, and other professionals who tackle personal subject matter deal with this misunderstanding frequently.

As a writer, people often assume that if I’ve written about something, it’s fair game to discuss with anyone. However, due to the personal topics I’ve written about and the harassment I’ve faced for writing about them, I’m hesitant to discuss them in spaces that don’t feel safe to me.

A friend once introduced me to a male friend of hers by saying, “Suzannah’s a great writer. Tell him about that viral article about not shaving your legs.”

I wasn’t comfortable reiterating my reasons for not shaving my legs to a stranger, especially a man (the demographic that harassed me the most after that article was published). I had no idea what his views were on the topic and didn’t want to get into an argument.

Social media adds another layer to this issue.

When posting on someone’s Facebook wall or tagging them in a post, keep in mind that many people are Facebook friends with their families and others they may want to keep certain information from – even if they’ve shared this information with you.

Obviously, it’s impractical to go through life without ever talking about anyone you know. But before you share something about someone in person or online, consider whether they would want everyone you’re addressing to know it."

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