Autism is my super blessing! I'm a high-school valedictorian, college graduate, world traveler, disability advocate. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I'm a Progressive Liberal. I'm about equal rights, human rights, civil & political rights, & economic, social, &cultural rights. I do servant leadership, boundless optimism, & Oneness/Wholeness. I'm good naked & unashamed! I love positive personhood, love your neighbor as yourself, and do no harm! I'm also appropriately inappropriate! My self-ratings: NC-17, XXX, X, X18+ & TV-MA means empathy! I publish shows at 11am! Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support
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episode 89: Porn Is Not the Problem, You Are. Complaining about the dangers of porn distracts from personal responsibility.
"So many religious people have a bad habit of trying to control who goes to Heaven and who goes to Hell and they have a bad habit of trying to be God." -Antonio Myers
"But, there’s more than that going on for you if you’ve decided that porn is your problem. Here’s some more real science that suggests some of the things that are going on for you : You like sex. Several empirical studies (here's a link to one) have found that self-identified porn addicts tend to be people with high libido. You are also a person who can get turned on very quickly (when you choose to). Further, you might have grown up in a home (or culture) where sex and masturbation were seen as morally wrong.
Having a high libido is not a bad thing. In fact, one of the things I often argue is that men (and women) who like sex have changed this world, and made it better. Rock stars, politicians, military leaders, and star athletes often tend to be people with high libidos, and a high desire to succeed. Sometimes, they actually want to succeed just so they can have lots of sex."
"But if you are a man who likes sex, and also likes porn, is that something you’ve ever really owned? I’m sad to say that our society has not taught men how to identify and negotiate their sexual desires or needs. We treat sex like a dirty secret. Then, when men get caught, they feed into that dirty-secret mentality, and treat sex like it’s the problem.
Those other men, who like sex, watch porn, and don’t get in trouble — how do they do that? One answer is that they understand themselves, and their desires. Sometimes, they sit down with their wives and girlfriends and have a real, open discussion about their use of porn, their interest in it, what it means and doesn’t mean, and their attraction to and interest in their partner. That’s a hard, scary discussion — not one for the first date, please — because it requires a man to stand up for himself and his sexual desires, to be willing to negotiate for those needs, to be willing to compromise but stay true to himself, while asking for the same in return."
"Another thing about those guys who don’t get in trouble for watching porn? They are paying attention to themselves, and doing the work that is needed to make good decisions. Some men have the internet or cable turned off in their hotel rooms, or install a net nanny on their own computer, so they have less temptation. That’s not because porn is the problem, but because these men are recognizing (when they’re not turned on) that they need to do the prep work in advance to make good decisions.
It’s okay to admit that you make poor decisions when sex or porn are involved. You’re not alone in that, and it’s not a sin. But the responsibility is on you to identify why and how you make bad decisions, and to take steps to make better decisions in the future. When you blame the problems on porn, you’re telling yourself, "Porn is more powerful than I am.” And I’m here to tell you: That’s not true. You can take responsibility for your life, your sex, your good decisions and your bad ones, and have the life you want.
Porn's not the problem; you are. But you know what? You're also the solution."