TonioTimeDaily

"1. The love of doin’ it

If sex positivity were as simple as enjoying the nasty, there would be hella sex positive people (and I likely wouldn’t be writing this!). It’s not that simple.

The main problem is that people judge others for the way they have sex. That shit's unacceptable.

Also, sex-loving people can “convince” their dates to have sex with them. Sex-loving people can be both queer and transphobic. These types of sex-loving people clearly don’t believe in the fundamentals we just covered (seeing sex as healthy and accepting/respecting the sexual choices of others).

2. Thinking everyone should like sex because you do

Sex positivity is most definitely NOT thinking everyone should like sex. People have been hurt, they’ve been turned off, they’ve felt scared… whatever the reason may be, all of those reasons are valid. You don’t have to be able to relate - and you don’t get to judge.

3. Having a simplified relationship with sex

The word positivity makes people think of an uncomplicated and easy relationship with sex. Sex positivity has nothing to do with this. Instead, it encompasses the many different ways we experience sex. Sex can be bland, painful, shocking, and so many other things. It should exist for everyone - asexual people, disabled people, rape survivors, and so on. It’s rare to have a simple relationship with one’s own sexuality.

The cultural movement that is sex positivity exists because of the dark and complex experiences and sentiments felt by so many.

4. Sexually objectifying others

Sex positivity is sometimes used as a means to objectify others. Personally, I can recall numerous occasions where a guy sloppily hitting on me transformed into him boasting about being a sex positive man. Dude. Sex positivity is not treating people like things!

You are never being sex positive if you project your desires onto other people.

Owning your desires (or lack thereof)

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex positivity is that it means you want to have sex all the time, with anybody. Being sex positive is not about the amount or frequency of the sex you are having, but rather your attitude about sex. Sex positivity recognizes that having sex is healthy, but so is not having sex. You can be sex positive and asexual, autosexual (only have sex with yourself), sexually active with partners, and anything in between.

Being sex positive is not about the amount or frequency of the sex you are having, but rather your attitude about sex.

Not everyone is sexual or sees sex as an essential part of their life. Part of sex positivity is acknowledging that sometimes people don’t want to have sex, either in the moment, or at all. On the other hand, wanting and having a lot of sex is equally healthy and valid. And while sex positivity means having the freedom to talk about sex with no shame, not everyone is comfortable talking or hearing about sex. Keep in mind that being open or private about sex is not a reflection of your attitude, but rather something to consider depending on how comfortable your company is."

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