On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
https://taminp.podbean.com
episode 2: When You Aren’t Your Mother’s Boyfriend with Dr. Ken Adams
Rob welcomes friend and colleague Dr. Ken Adams. They discuss signs and examples of mother-enmeshed men and how it relates to sexual addiction and intimacy. problems. Dr. Adams shares his knowledge on the evolution of our sexuality, the steps to emancipation, and some gold nuggets of wisdom on what to expect if you are involved with an enmeshed man.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:08] Dr. Ken Adams lives in Michigan and has a thriving practice. His book, Silently Seduced explores how an individual’s relationships with their moms can produce the types of problems that sex addiction creates. Married to Mom to uncover why a man might seem to continually choose his mom over his partner. He began private practice with the Children of Alcoholic Parents Program. There he became interested and devoted to working with sex addiction.
[4:11] Enmeshment is a term used in family therapy field to describe when family members are too involved, and the dynamic is too close. When a mother burdens her son with expectations and inappropriate boundaries, the son may begin to feel disloyal when he has other objects of desire. He then acts out and carries out these desires on the side while feeling a tremendous amount of grief and guilt.
[8:50] It is the parents job to celebrate the independence and emancipation of their children. On the flip side, it is the son’s responsibility to leave and start their own life with their own partner.
[14:53] The evolution of our sexuality is primarily tied to our early care taking experiences. Emotional freedom and having a need for their own space is a running theme that comes up consistently for enmeshed men.
[17:28] Emancipation involves two things: external boundaries and an internal structure of how he feels about romance, including the important task of figuring out how to parse out freedom in a commitment.
[20:12] The man may project his feelings of being trapped and burdened on to his well-meaning partner, or also be drawn to someone dominating that may pull him away from his mother. [22:02] Our partner choice is not doomed based on how we grew up. It’s an inside job and a “one day at a time” solution for the mother-enmeshed man to observe what makes him feel overwhelmed and trapped, and to turn out obligations when he starts to feel smothered.
[29:45] In the sex and love addicted area, females tend to struggle with overt / physical insest, and males covert / emotional insest.
RESOURCES
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Out of the Doghouse
Cruise Control
Silently Seduced
Married to Mom
Kenneth M. Adams