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"Sexual manipulation tactics

Sexual manipulation tactics can be verbal or behavioral. Manipulators might use one or more of these tactics. While sexual manipulation can seem obvious and overt in some cases, it can also be subtle.

Threats

Sexual manipulation can include threatening someone — not just in terms of their physical safety, but also threatening things that matter to them. For example, a sexual manipulator might threaten to fire or evict someone, or cause them social, financial, or emotional difficulties.

These threats might be obvious or subtle.

Examples:

• “I’ll out you to your family if you don’t sleep with me.”
• “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll tell your wife we’ve been having an affair.”
• “If you’re not going to have sex with me, I’ll leave you and find someone who will.”
• “It would be a pity if you lost your job/home/friends/relationships over this.”

Guilt-tripping

This is when a manipulator intends to make you feel guilty so that you’ll have sex with them.

Examples:

• “I thought you loved me. I guess I was wrong.”
• “I also wouldn’t want to sleep with someone who’s as ugly as me.”
• “I just paid for your dinner. You owe me.”

Playing on your insecurities

Manipulators might use your insecurities to convince you to have sex with them.

Examples:

• “You don’t want to look like a prude, do you?”
• “It’s fine. You’re probably terrible in bed anyway.”
• “You sure you want to waste this opportunity? Someone who looks like you might not get many.”

Gaslighting

A term that’s gained popularity over the past few years, gaslighting refers to a form of manipulation where someone tries to control the way another person sees themselves and their own experiences. They might cause them to doubt their sanity, their memory, or their perception of the world.

Examples:

• “You actually already consented earlier; you just don’t remember.”
• “You always get too sensitive. Let’s just do it.”
• “You liked it the last time, you just don’t remember. 

Lying

To convince you to have sex with them, a manipulator might explicitly lie to you.

Examples:

• They might lie about themselves, including their age, job, interests, or experiences, in order to get you to sleep with them.
• If you object because they’re in a relationship or married, they might lie by saying they’re in an open relationship or in the process of divorcing when they’re not.

Punishment

A manipulator might punish you for rejecting them sexually. When you say no, they might try to make you feel bad so that you agree next time. This punishment could be obvious or more passive-aggressive. For example, they might accept your rejection but sulk for the rest of the week.

Examples:

• Sulking or “the silent treatment”
• Becoming more critical and mean
• Intentionally “forgetting” important things."

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