Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion? Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine! In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics. Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use such a phrase- cat people versus dog people, college days, being an actor extra in a movie, commercial or TV show, personal styles, cheapskates, slobs versus neatniks, dating apps, things people say but don't mean, weekends, flakes, medical doctors, a-holes, airlines. looks, getting locked out, membership warehouse stores You're invited to take a quick break, and enjoy a laugh, as Smarty Pants Lance weaves stories and descriptions containing a happy mixture of quirky experiences, nostalgia, pop-culture, history, topical humor, sarcasm, satire, celebrity impressions, and character voices. New episodes Mondays and Thursdays at 8:00 am EST...
https://www.smartypantslance.com
Gesamtlänge aller Episoden: 10 hours 7 minutes
episode 1: Thanksgiving: The Road Not Traveled
Lance says no thanks to the family Thanksgiving get together.
The travel, the expense, the lousy customer service, the no so "world-famous" dishes, the annoyingly secretive and braggadocious relatives are all not worth it He ponders why he should put up with all the preceding just to spend time with people he doesn't see or speak with all year long.
Lance compares Turkey versus ham, versus Vegan, people. Vegans are automatically out...
episode 21: A Day On A Movie Set
Smarty Pants Lance takes you into the kitchen to share some of how movie are made. Ol' Smarty is from the south, don't ya know, and he comes a callin' to see where a co-worker is at.
His scene features a petite albino and her giant raven-haired sister. Why didn't he just call ahead?
Lance shares a famous Orson Welles, quote, "A poet needs a pen, a painter a brush, a director an army. Yes a director does need an army and you hear examples, why...
episode 20: Who Do DMV Employees Look Down On?
Smarty Pants Lance holds a stethoscope up to Medical Assistants ("MA"). Since they've no brains, he didn't expect a pulse.
There are three kinds of medical assistants: dumb, dumber, and dumbest. Becoming , Lance gets the dumbest.
Becoming a medical assistant is easy. It's perfect for those who want to qualify for something just by taking an online course.
Lance rants...
episode 19: Quirky Courtroom Antics
Smarty Pants Lance was and is a licensed attorney at law in California. A large part of his legal practice was criminal defense. Beaver Clever sez: No foolin'!
In this episode, Lance describes quirky courtroom antics, the difference between infractions, misdemeanors, and felonies, police prostitution sting operations, and his opinion that it's a true crime not to show, Mel Brooks's classic movie, "Blazing Saddles...
episode 18: Is The First Time The Best Time?
Smarty Pants Lance, inspired by the Foreigner song, "Feels Like The First Time," questions whether the first time the best time?
Introduced by The Duke himself, John Wayne, Lance tells the tale of his first three times, or attempts which included, among other things, a Pith Helmut a la 1930's-40's jungle movies, a creaking bed, stubbed toes, not one, but two, count 'em, two condoms at the same time, parents on the other side of the wall...
episode 16: Do looks matter? How?
Smarty Pants Lance takes a look at a person's looks. Do looks matter? Do people look like their pets, cars, environments? What about a person's character? We've all known some "characters" haven't we?
Do better looking people have an easier life? Make more money? As the song says, is everything beautiful in it's own way? What about facial moles? And don't get me started on bad hygiene gross grooming habits, or a woman with a short, angular, "I'm a bitch" haircut....
episode 15: Smarty Pants Lance- Weekends
Smarty Pants Lance talks about the comings, goings, and doings of weekends. Is it true that everybody's working for the weekend, as the 80's band, Loverboy proclaimed. Are weekends made for Michelob? Didn't weekends come into existence, first? If so, Michelob was made for weekends; not the other way around...
episode 14: The Cost in Costco
Smarty Pants Lance dons his visor and sleeve garter, grabs his adding machine, and totals up the cost in Costco and other discount membership warehouse stores...
episode 13: Flakes!
Smarty Pants Lance talks about flakey people. They're not just on the Westcoast, anymore!
Why are people so darn flakey? It's not a new phenomenon. In the past, Lance has befallen victim by flakes since his high school days.
These days he has a no flake policy...
episode 12: Smarty Pants Lance- Mander T. Commander- A Shaggy Dog Story
In this, change-of-pace, episode, Smarty Pants Lance waxes sentimentally about his long ago and dearly departed rescue- a Husky mix- he named, Amanda or "Mander T. Commander."
Was it fate or coincidence that brought then together? Lance prefers to believe it was fate. You decide. The correct answer is fate!
A "shaggy dog story" of two who needed each other. For those who worry about rescuing a dog, please keep in mind, she was a very good girl!