Smarty Pants Lance

Lance talks about today's pop and country music and why it sucks.

He opines it's a filtering issue. There's just no filter on what flushes down the internet stream.

There used to be record companies and radio and TV programmers standing guard. Though, all of them must have been asleep at the switch with Disco Duck, Muskrat Love, et al. Et al...

Lance teases about clickbait, air-headed celebrity endorsements, how sex sells- well, duh- and why he keeps getting click bait on Meta- which he still calls Face Book- about a photo of side boob of some model he's never heard of nor cares about...

Lance talks about employment interviews. He begins by telling us about work he did as a kid and for which he didn't apply. This work is known as, "chores." With marketing know-how, Lance suggests a new name for chores: "Blessings." "Hey, son, I've a few blessings for you to give the family. You may start by cleaning the toilet."

Moving in to job interviews- often these days via Zoom- he describes the process, beginning with recruiters...

Lance builds a better mousetrap thinking that'll lead to great success. It's what he heard during his growin' up years.

Did building a better mousetrap help him get ahead in a government job? Hah, no. What about when he built a better one for private employers? PFFFHAHAHA, norious...

Lance describes how his plans for not just a little, but a lot, of "somthin' somethin" turned into nothin' nothin over a four day weekend.

There was always some darned excuse: too tired from the week, too bloated and gassy after that outrageously expensive dinner, drank too much, again, and the, "Let's just watch one more Hallmark movie and I'll be ready, which leads to watching yet another Hallmark Movie, and another, until coma...

Lance talks about New Years. He tells us NYE means different things depending on your age. One thing that wasn't different for decades was Dick Clark on the tele and watching "The Ball" drop." What if the ball suddenly dropped way too fast and smashed at the bottom into tiny crystal pieces? Now that would be a harbinger worse than voting for Trump! Speaking of which he tells his take on meeting a woman at an L.A. NYE party...

Lance discusses Christmas versus Hanukkah.

At Sunday school he was told he must learn to think for himself. Except, when it came to religion, which is, as everyone knows, from "on high," and cannot be questioned.

He tells us about the history of Hanukkah, the eight (8) day, "Festival of Lights," and how the Jews were, on the ushe, being killed, there religion cancelled, and temples destroyed. Talk about cancel culture...

With nine days before Christmas, Lance starts thinking about Christmas adult beverages.

This gets him thinking about adult beverages, in general. He's a nauseous, no on, "The Nog," and not a connoisseur of wines- reds taste like Dr. Pepper, grapes, and alcohol, while, whites only taste like just grapes and alcohol.

He reflects on his college days, "Great Drinking Contest" and how he put into action a prank involving Tequila and Lavoris mouthwash.

...

Lance talks about Uber-- Uber annoying people (person) he got stuck behind at a booth selling luxury cookies at a local street fair.

He gets triggered by a woman holding others up at his favorite cookie stand by asking one stupid question after another. She wastes everybody's time and then she doesn't buy anything.

Haven't we all all encountered these people from time to time?

Serenity now-- and a cookie later!

And a 5,6,7,8-- Strippers: Not just a stocking for your stuffer.

No doubt, countless guys, and some gals, have fantasized about being with, or living with a stripper. Lance shares his experiences, living with, and dating strippers. That's right plural! And the high school trophy for studliness goes to SmartyPantsLance!

Strippers, exotic dancers, or just plain "dancers"- no not the kind on Broadway- have a certain rep...