Your Favorite Band Sucks

Alright, this is the sixth freakin' time we've done one of these things so you shouldn't need much in the way of an introduction. Y'all know what it is. But wait... Could there be any surprises in this latest installment of our great podcast tradition? Listen and learn!

This holiday season we thought it would be nice to bring back a truly deep, old-school Q4 discount by taking 100% off the value of Soundgarden, one of the most overrated bands of all time...

Please consider this episode of the podcast your one-time-only, always-true, get-it-tattooed-somewhere-on-your-body-and-never-worry-about-new-facts-coming-to-light reminder: you do not under any circumstances need to hand it to the band Cream. Forget every stupid Boomer joke you've ever heard that implies Eric Clapton was once a good guitarist or was once in a good band. It's always been a myth...

If you’ve heard of The 1975 but aren’t really sure where, they’re the British one with the lead singer who’s been giving everyone a different reason to hate him every week or so for the past few years. Meanwhile Mark and Tyler hate the whole band because they’ve never released a good song, which used to be the barrier of entry on anyone caring enough to pay attention to the antics of a band's lead singer...

Please, for the love of all that is decent in the world, leave those old records on the shelf, Bob! Even if the music you grew up on was once half as cool as you seem to think - which it wasn't - and even if you yourself were once half as cool as you seem to think - which you definitely weren't - what about any of that would lead you to believe the world needs you to write approximately 80 songs on that topic and only that topic?! Nobody cares that you used to get your dick wet, dude...

You know, it really was a great question... What if there was a new R&B singer pop star who represented modern attitudes toward sexual inhibition and general debauchery? Too bad we still don't have an answer because at this point it's pretty extremely clear The Weeknd is and has always been a giant dork. Sure, back in the early days, nobody knew much about him and could only imagine how insane the drugs and parties and sex must be if that's all he ever wanted to sing about...

Every person who's gonna get mad about this episode was a member of the final generation to still believe all the time they spent hanging out at the mall as a teenager was awesome and literally any of the things they think they learned about music at that mall were/are valid. So right away everyone else should be able to tell the cognitive dissonance in the replies anywhere this gets shared will be entirely off the charts...

Is it possible this is the Actual Most Depressing Grunge Band out of all the depressing grunge bands to ever exist? Turns out some bands never recover from finding out they aren't good enough to make it in hair metal. But that only explains how a group of guys could wind up making music this miserable and boring...

Was this musical partnership a timeless classic or a barely functional soap opera nearly running off the rails at every turn? Simon & Garfunkel were a great example of why it should be illegal for pop culture media to refer to musical artists as "geniuses." It's only a matter of time before even the most marginally talented hack would start to believe it's actually true...

Ever wonder what it would be like if baby talk could become a whole band? Wonder no longer, friends, because it already happened. Some of you already know who Sigur Rós is. (Or, really, at this point, "was.") The rest of you are going to think Mark and Tyler are entirely fabricating this band from their imaginations. Defying all logic, this was a real thing...