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episode 294: Why is My Abusive Ex Fighting So Hard in Court?
Have you experienced the terror and stress of the family court system?
Dr. Jessica Taylor is on the BTR.ORG Podcast to discuss how and why abusers terrorize victims via the family court system. Listen to the episode now and read the full transcript below for more.
This podcast episode is part of a series. Join us for:
Part 1: How Do Abusers Gaslight Victims (& Advocates)?
Part 3: 3 Subtle Ways Misogyny Creeps Into Our Minds
Do Abusive Men REALLY Want What They're Fighting For?
Abusive men fight tooth-and-nail for several key "things" in court battles with their victims, generally including:
* Child custody
* Parenting time without having to adhere to any mutual rules regarding the children
* Property
* Child support (either fighting to pay less, or be paid out more by the victim)
* Alimony (similar to child support)
* Financial assets
Many victims are shocked and confused when abusers vehemently put up a fight for things that they never expressed interest in before (time with the children) or are morally entitled to (perhaps property you owned prior to the marriage).
It's important to understand that abusers often seek opportunities to disrupt your emotions and keep you in a state of panic and stress by fighting for what they know you care about - rather than accepting a divorce situation that is mutually agreeable.
"He just wanted to win"
"I'm reminded of another story of a woman who had a very young child, within a year [old], and she was not married to the man and she actually crossed from Canada into the US to get away from him. Then he fought her and fought her and fought her. She kidnapped the kid and all this stuff and was in court just the whole time and she was terrified. So she stayed in America, tried to fight it in court, the stress of it maybe, maybe not, I don't know. But she ended up having brain cancer and dying. And the second that she passed away, he stopped all the court stuff and didn't want to see the daughter."
Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG
But Why Is He Doing This?
Why would someone put so much time, effort, and money into the family court system if he wasn't actually invested in what he was fighting for?
In the words of many victims in the BTR.ORG community, "Why is he doing this to me?"
While every situation is different, we have generally found that men who use the family court system to further abuse their wife, ex-wife, and/or children are motivated by:
* The "joy" of winning and watching the victim "lose"
* Feeling in control of the victim
* Knowing that he (the abuser) is at the core of the victim's thoughts and feelings
BTR.ORG IS Here For You
At BTR.ORG, we know how absolutely exhausting it is to seek justice and safety in the family courts, only to feel further gaslit and lost. We are here for you as you work toward peace. Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):
I have Dr. Jessica Taylor back on today's episode again. This one is absolutely related to what happened to Leah, an ongoing custody battle. Again, this was recorded before Om's death. Sorry, I keep bringing that up, but it just happened this week for me. I know that this is going to air much after that, but it was just very eerie. So if you did not listen to last week's episode, listen to that first and then join us here...