The Relaxed Male is a podcast dedicated to empowering men to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in all areas of their lives. Whether it's romantic partnerships, family bonds, friendships, or professional connections, this show provides insights and actionable advice for building and maintaining positive relationships grounded in mutual understanding, respect, and care. Each episode delves into the unique challenges and opportunities men face when it comes to fostering meaningful connections. The host Bryan assists men in understanding how the elements of how one approaches a problem can hinder relationship growth. Through thought-provoking discussions, real-life examples, and practical exercises, listeners gain valuable tools to improve their listening skills, empathy, vulnerability and thoughts needed for building trust and intimacy with those around them. The show also covers the importance of self-awareness, personal growth, and taking responsibility for one's actions and their impact on others. Ultimately, The Relaxed Male aims to empower men to have strong relationships without sacrificing who they are in the process...
https://www.relaxedmale.com
episode 207: How I Left the Victim Behind
In this part of the conversation, I, Brian, the host of the show called Relaxed Male, discuss the concept of victimhood and how I personally left behind the victim mindset. As a certified men's coach, I aim to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. In this episode, I focus on the negative impact of adopting a victim mentality and how it affected me. I explain that despite experiencing certain events in my early life, such as my parents' divorce and moving with my dad, I refuse to label them as traumatic. Instead, I believe that my anger and grudges stemmed from my own thoughts and perspectives. I share an example of how I had a difficult time following instructions and even got a teacher fired because I stubbornly refused to do something she asked of me. Throughout my academic years, I would often blame others for my lack of success, such as my dad for not disciplining me or my teachers for not teaching me effectively.
However, I eventually realized that it was my own fault for not putting in the effort and taking responsibility for my actions. This pattern continued into my college years, where I blamed my roommate for not understanding my financial situation. But deep down, I knew that I needed to take control of my own life and stop playing the victim. It was only through this realization that I started to see the consequences of my lack of responsibility, such as being stuck in low-level jobs without any progression. As I became a parent and got married, I recognized that I needed to take responsibility not just for myself, but also for the direction of my family's life.
share how we would talk about our dreams, hopes, and aspirations as a family, but I never took the necessary actions to make them a reality. Eventually, I hit a midlife crisis at the age of 40, realizing I hadn't accomplished anything and missed out on opportunities like taking my kids camping. I learned the hard way that someday never comes and we need to approach life with intention, not playing the victim. Without direction, we're just floating and can't get anywhere. Playing the victim had also hindered my professional growth and nearly cost me my marriage. I started seeking intimacy elsewhere, which almost led to an affair.
Thankfully, my wife found out before it went too far. I realized that playing the victim only holds me back and prevents me from taking responsibility for my actions. Victims do not earn respect because they refuse to learn from their experiences. Once I stopped playing the victim, I began making progress and achieving more in life. I emphasize the importance of accepting responsibility for all actions, even when the results may seem unfair. Taking responsibility also applies to leadership roles, as it builds trust within a team.
I offer coaching to anyone who wants help in breaking free from the victim mindset. I mention a once-in-a-lifetime special where five people can receive six months of free coaching from me, but the spots are limited. Interested individuals can reach out to me through email or my website to sign up for coaching. I express gratitude to the listeners for tuning in and encourage them to ask questions or share the podcast/show with others. I let them know that I am open to having conversations and reaching out to others. I ask listeners to spread the message of Relaxed Male by sharing the podcast/show on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I emphasize that growth can only happen with the help of listeners sharing the content. In conclusion, I thank the listeners once again and wish them a great rest of the week.
If you would like to take me up on the special offer please email me bryan@relaxedmale.com
00:00:00 Introduction to the topic of victimhood and leaving it behind
00:01:35 Welcoming new listeners and addressing their problems
00:03:00 Sharing personal experience of parental divorce and custody
00:04:14 Grudges and anger towards parents and stepparents
00:05:19 Taking responsibility for personal thoughts and actions
00:06:57 Recognizing patterns of avoiding responsibility and facing consequences
00:09:08 Carrying victim mentality into college life and financial struggles
00:10:39 Realization of Lack of Responsibility and Stagnation
00:19:32 Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset
00:22:33 Embracing Leadership and Leaving Victimhood Behind