btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG
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episode 47: Is My Husband Really in Recovery?
Many betrayal victims hope that their offending partner can change. Sometimes, abusive, unfaithful men (including pornography users) make attempts at recovery and restitution.
However, it may be difficult for victims to discern whether or not their partner's "recovery" is real, or just another phase in the cycle of abuse.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, shares her experience of receiving a letter of restitution from her abusive ex-husband. Using her experiences and vast knowledge of emotional abuse, Anne helps listeners learn how to detect sincere recovery from manipulation. Tune in to the BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Is He Still Acting out?
If your partner is experiencing "relapse" into pornography use, affairs, compulsive video gaming/internet use, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, gaslighting, and sexual coercion, then he is not in recovery.
Most abusive men will have periods of sobriety from whatever their acting-out behaviors entail. These periods may be hours, days, weeks, months, or even years long. But if they return to those behaviors even once, they are still abusive. Relapse is not part of recovery.
Is He Asking Or Demanding Your Forgiveness?
One powerful diagnostic tool of discerning real recovery from manipulation, is how your abusive partner treats you in regard to forgiveness. Is he asking or demanding your forgiveness and trust? Or has he let go of his entitlement to your forgiveness?
When a man in true recovery interacts with his partner, it is without:
* Control
* Entitlement
* Disrespect
* Expectations
If your partner is yelling at you, lying to you, trying to make decisions for you, expecting or demanding forgiveness and trust, rolling his eyes when you talk, or interrupting you, he is probably not in real recovery.
Accountability Is An Indicator Of Sincere Recovery
Often, pornography users and other abusive men offer excuses for their harmful behaviors instead of being accountable. Some common excuses include:
* "My shame made me do it"
* "I learned this behavior from my family"
* "I was abused as a kid"
* "My sexual needs aren't being met"
* "You are too ____/You are not ___ enough"
* "I forgot"
* "I didn't think about how it would hurt you"
As Anne iterates, accountability is essential in the process of recovery. She tells a story of a young drunk driver who was forgiven by the parents of his victims - after he took personal responsibility for his actions and was held accountable by the law:
The law held that drunk driver accountable. His parents and the victim's parents held him accountable. That’s not happening with abusers and porn users. They’re not being held accountable.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH_Iuehag14
Is Real Recovery From Porn Use and Emotional Abusiveness Even Possible?
My 15 years of working day in and day out with abusive men have...