Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

No matter how much money we spend on treatment programs, including 12-step programs, rehab centers, sex addiction therapy, and counseling, my porn-addicted husband won't stop - and he keeps lying to me. It's harming our children as they're exposed to porn, and it's destroying our marriage. Help! 
Is this your story? You're not alone.

Does Addiction Treatment Work For Pornography Use?
On the BTR Podcast, Amy Kate, a member of the BTR.ORG Community shares her heartbreaking experiences. She gave her second husband every opportunity to change. His emotionally abusive behaviors broke through the dam after Amy Kate discovered his affair. She gave him more time to change. Bu tin the end Amy Kate was forced to reconcile that the man she thought she married was not safe and wasn't going to choose to change.
So why, after all of the time and sacrifices she made to delay her divorce and put him through rehab, did he go right back to his abusive behaviors? For Amy Kate's full story, read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast.
This Story is Our Story
Amy Kate's experience is unique to her, but many betrayed wives have been through similar scenarios. It is essential for women to know that they cannot cause, cure, or control their husband's pornography use. 
He uses porn because he wants to. It has nothing to do with you. You are enough. You are precious. You deserve love and respect.
The Heart of The Problem: Not Just Addiction
Tragically, most therapists and clergy never label the problem for what it is: abuse.
Abusers will continue trying to treat the pornography usage, but the root of their decisions is not addiction, it is abusive thinking. That is why addiction programs do not stop men from returning to their sexual acting-out and relationally abusive behaviors.
Pornography Use Is Never a "Stand-Alone" Issue

He was still lying to me, he was angry, he was blaming me for stuff, we were having circular conversations that were making me feel insane. I did not know my reality. Is what he just said true? Am I going crazy?
Amy Kate, member of the BTR.ORG Community

When pornography use and other sexual acting-out behaviors are identified as the sole issue, abusers are enabled to keep abusing. Women and children are further endangered.
Pornography use in and of itself is abusive. But additionally, it is never a stand-alone issue. 
Abusive Behaviors That Accompany Pornography Use
Common abusive behaviors that pornography users will exhibit are:

* Gaslighting
* Chronic lying and manipulation
* Intimidation and threats
* Sexual coercion
* Marital rape
* Covert physical abuse
* Emotional withdrawal
* Emotional abandonment
* Passive-aggressive communication as a tactic to control
* Financial control
* Spiritual abuse

This is My Situation! What Do I Do?
At BTR, we understand how devastating it is when addiction treatment programs don't work for your partner. It is sickeningly frustrating when he won't change.
He's been given an incomplete diagnosis. He's an abuser. He can only change if his abusive thinking and behavior is addressed and changed.
At BTR, your safety comes first. You can set and maintain boundaries that separate yourself and your children from abusive behaviors. This is the first step to healing and will help you to begin to feel peace again.
What Are Boundaries & How Do I Set Them?
Boundaries are not statements, ultimatums,