Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

A lot of 12 step work is about protecting the [porn-user], not the spouse. This type of model only enables the addict, who already has themselves in the center of everything. The spouse's well-being, feelings, and trauma are not really considered in the 12 step program.
Michelle Adams, betrayal trauma expert

When women experience intimate betrayal, they may seek support as they work through betrayal trauma. Often, 12-step programs for betrayed women seem like a good option. However, 12-step programs can both enable abusers and blame victims. Michelle and Kate, betrayal trauma experts, join Anne on the BTR podcast to explain how 12-step programs can harm victims, despite their positive principles and content.
12 Step Utilizes The Codependency Model
When women experience betrayal and abuse, they may feel eager to gain some degree of control over their lives that feel very out of control.
The codependency model taught in many 12-step groups subtly blames victims for their partner's choices and often suggests that women should become "safe people" for their partners.

Codependency was created solely with the belief that the wife is hurting the addict, and since she is exhibiting the same behaviors as the addict, she is just as diseased as the addict. Nowadays, codependency is so sugar-coated, but it still rooted in the same things.
Kate, betrayal trauma expert

12 Step Does Not Use The Trauma Model
Women who have been betrayed are often severely traumatized. This is called betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma can be a debilitating result of a partner's choices. Victims deserve to be appropriately labeled so that they aren't blaming themselves and are receiving the support and empowerment that is applicable to their situation.

Codependency and trauma are two very different things. One is external, one is internal. Trauma is external. It is a wound that has happened to you. Codependency is internal. It is saying that fundamentally you have a problem. Because we live in a patriarchal society, it is man's society. For example, ecclesiastical leaders often protect men instead of protecting and helping women.
Michelle, betrayal trauma expert

12 Step Programs May Keep Victims In Danger

Codependency is misogynistic. It is essentially a way to get women to stay in their relationships. Codependency does not examine the possibility that the behaviors of the spouse are caused by the addict, whereas trauma does.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Safety is the number one priority for victims, whereas "self-improvement" is a high priority for codependent people. By mislabeling a victim as "codependent" that victim is not given the information she needs to find safety for herself.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Betrayal and Abuse
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in every time zone and offers victims the opportunity to share experiences, process trauma, express hard feelings, and make genuine connections with other betrayed women.
Join today.
Full Transcript:
Anne: Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne.
If you’re new to the podcast and you’ve never listened to it before, please go to last week's episode and listen to it first. Last week we ended with Kate stating her views that 12-step was beneficial, not necessarily because of the steps themselves,