btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG
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episode 38: Intimate Deception: How To Heal
Safety is critical. And asking ourselves, “What do we need?” Working with thousands of women, at this point, as I sat with them, and heard their story, I discovered that safety is a critical pillar. But the other critical pillar is the truth. We’re looking for two things. Safety and the truth.Dr. Sheri Keffer, author of Intimate Deception
Men cause betrayal trauma when they betray their partners.
What is betrayal? Pornography use. Affairs. Masturbation. Fantasizing. Intimate Deception.
In her new book, Dr. Sheri Keffer coined the term "Intimate Deception". Intimate deception describes the abuse that occurs when a partner does not disclose his sexual behavior in full. Understanding that intimate deception is abusive helps women to move forward on their journey to healing.
Dr. Sheri joins Anne on the free BTR podcast. Together, they take a deep dive into intimate deception.
Tune in to the BTR podcast or read the full transcript below for more.
Gaslighting Destroys Women
It’s incredibly important that we get in front of wise counsel. When someone has been gaslit for a while, and they come into me, and they almost seem a little numbed out, like foggy in the head, they even say, “I’m sorry.” They just feel more collapsed on the inside, unsure of themselves. These are like nurses, who’ve been in a surgery room. These are women who’ve been teaching. These are moms that have had five kids that have had to manage busy households.Dr. Sheri Keffer
Unfaithful men usually gaslight their victims.
Gaslighting is severe psychological abuse and can be extremely damaging to a woman's brain, body, and emotional health. When women have experienced gaslighting, it is necessary, as Dr. Keffer says, for them to find "wise counsel". This means trauma-informed, abuse-informed, compassionate professionals who have walked this path.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOyeyycxblA
Connection With Safe People Is Key To Healing
Abusive and unfaithful men condition victims to isolate themselves, both socially and emotionally. Often, victims feel too afraid, ashamed, overwhelmed, or exhausted to attempt to forge healthy connections. This is completely understandable.
However, when women courageously step toward connection, healing can begin.
The lying and deceit, it causes us harm. But we can’t isolate. We’ve got to stay connected. We’ve got to find a group that we feel validated in, that we can tell people what’s going on and somebody else is smelling the gas in the room. “Tell me that again, I want to hear your story again, because it sounds to me like there might be something that’s being hidden.” That’s validation.Dr. Sheri Keffer
Empower Yourself To Hold On To Reality
Tragically, many abusers use gaslighting, manipulation, and blame-shifting to make reality confusing for their victims.
When women can learn to "stand in their story", as Dr. Keffer suggests, they are essentially choosing to hold on to what they experience, believe, and think, rather than taking on the reality that their abuser is trying to impose upon them.
We have to learn to stand in our story. There’s these common phrases that can help people hold onto their p...