btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG
https://www.btr.org/podcast/
episode 35: Boundaries With An Abusive Ex
For many victims of emotional abuse and betrayal, the abuse doesn't stop after divorce.
Sometimes it can even escalate.
Kate, a member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community joins Anne and a BTR coach on the free BTR podcast to discuss how she has courageously set and maintained healthy boundaries to protect her from her ex-husband's abusive behavior.
Read the full transcript below and tune in to the BTR podcast for more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiBzMSaZLQ0
Give Yourself Permission To Adjust Your Boundaries
Victims can take a step back, look at their boundaries, and say, “Okay, this is what works for me about this. This is what doesn’t work for me about it.” They can ask themselves: is this decreasing or increasing my anxiety? Is this helping me find more safety? We have to spend time reflecting on the effect of each boundary we set.
BTR Coach
Kate explains how her boundaries changed as her level of safety changed throughout the divorce process.
Because abusive men condition victims to lose their sense of self, it can be difficult for women to trust themselves when changing boundaries to adapt to their current needs. However, as women give themselves permission to alter their boundaries according to what is needful, they are able to find more safety, security, and peace.
With Narcissistic Abusers, Keep Communication Simple and Short
During and after a divorce, abusive men may try to engage in unhealthy and abusive conversations with their victims. Often, it is difficult to discern the manipulation and psychological abuse interwoven with innocent-looking texts, emails, or phone calls.
Victims can circumvent this unfortunate reality by keeping their communication simple and to the point. Kate found that altering her communication style with her abusive ex-husband helped her find more safety:
What I’ve found is that I have the most safety when I keep my texts to the minimum response possible. I find myself, instead of reacting to his texts, I’m responding and I’m taking time to think things through before I respond.
Kate, BTR community member
Set Boundaries With Intention, and Re-Evaluate As Needed
The fog of abuse and trauma can make everything feel confusing, including boundaries.
When victims of betrayal and abuse can do the painful and hard work of intentionally setting boundaries, they are better served by their boundaries. When vague, un-helpful boundaries are set, women may doubt themselves.
First of all, you’re going to have to be intentional. If we just put boundaries out there and aren’t paying attention to how it’s affecting our lives, we might not know. We just put it out there and see what happens. But, if we put a little bit of intention around it, we’re going to know if our boundaries are working for us or not.
BTR Coach
As women carefully observe how their boundaries are working, they may need to adapt their boundaries to fit their unique situation mor...