Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

Grooming Is A Universal Tool of Abusers
The word "grooming" carries the stigma of child molesters and sex-trafficking rings; it can be difficult for women to assign such an unsavory word to their partner's behaviors.
While it is absolutely important to understanding grooming in the context of child abuse and the sex-slave trade in order to protect women and children, it is equally important to understand grooming in the context of relational and emotional abuse.
What Is Grooming?
No matter what kind of abuse, or who the abuser is, grooming occurs when an abuser creates a false sense of safety for his victim. 

"Anything that someone does to make it look like he's a knight in shining armor."
Rachel, Shero

This is easy to see in the case of a child molester: he may buy candy for a child to gain his or her trust.
In the context of relational and emotional abuse, an abuser who uses pornography may act kindly and generously toward his partner, with the intent of using pornography without disclosing his use to her (which would harm his partner and family). A caveat here is that he may not plan to use pornography (many abusers swear to themselves they "will never do it again") but it is still grooming if he does not take immediate and definitive action to get appropriate professional help within an abuse cessation program to create safety for his family without delay. 
Often, an abuser will groom a woman at the beginning of a relationship to lure her into believing that he is the ultimate safe partner: he may present himself as a monogamous, honest, and emotionally healthy person. When he begins engaging in extra-marital affairs, lying, and gaslighting, he reveals that the show he put on during the courtship was a well-constructed rouse.
Are you being groomed? Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session to find support.
Women Are Not At Fault For Being Groomed
Many women take on heaps of self-loathing and feel immense self-betrayal for allowing themselves to be groomed. Sometimes they will make promises to themselves to never let it happen again, only to be even more deeply groomed by their abuser, and then betrayed again when he abuses again.
Women are not to blame for being duped: it is a reflection of the moral fibre of the abuser and not of the strength or self-respect of the victim. Women who fall again and again for a partner's grooming tacts may begin to question their own sanity and worth, wondering if they are "desperate" or "asking for it.

"You see it in also child sex abuse cases or child abuse cases. Anyone can be a victim. You can’t be so smart that you can’t be victimized. So many women feel ashamed or they feel embarrassed because it happened to them and they thought they knew about abuse. You’re a smart woman. You thought you knew what abuse was, but you didn’t understand that you were actually being abused. That’s the situation that we’re all in. 
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery

It is important to note that compassion, tenderness, love, and fidelity and worthy traits and goals and that women who seek for these things in partnerships are not weak or stupid, but courageous. However, understand that being abused over and over again through grooming tactics is corrosive to the human spirit: women must find safety as soon as possible to protect themselves from further abuse.