btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG
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episode 66: Your Abusive Husband's Therapist
You have gone through unimaginable pain upon discovering the lies, the infidelity, and the betrayal. He says he wants to work on things. He commits to attending counseling on his own. What do YOU need to feel safe while he is attending therapy?
Ana Marques, a marriage and family therapist, joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to empower victims of abuse and betrayal. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
"You Are The Victim, He Is The Perpetrator"
If abusive and unfaithful men choose to attend therapy, it is imperative that the therapist understand that betrayal is abuse. With that understanding, a trauma and abuse-informed therapist can confidently label him as the perpetrator and you as the victim.
Women in this situation will want to look for a therapist that is trained in modalities that understand trauma and abuse. Not just trauma but you want someone that also has that abuse background.
Ana Marques, marriage and family therapist
"You Can Ask Me Anything, And I Will Answer Honestly"
A betrayed spouse must feel empowered to interview any therapist who is going to be working with the porn user.
Ana Marques, marriage and family therapist
When your partner begins therapy, you have the right to any information that you want or need. If the therapist truly understands trauma and abuse, they will freely communicate with you about what is happening in sessions and what your level of safety is from their perspective.
"I Believe YOU"
A qualified therapist will understand that sexually addicted men manipulate and lie. With this understanding, qualified therapists will always believe your account and your opinion before your partner's.
Some red flags to look out for in a therapist are:
* If the therapist says that there are "two sides to every story"
* If the therapist asks you to work on communication, compassion, or intimacy
* If the therapist takes your partner's side in any issue
* If the therapist does not check in with you about your partner's behaviors
"I Use The Word 'Abuse'"
Many professionals avoid using the word "abuse" and instead use words like "harm" or "mistreat" because they don't want to hurt the abuser's feelings. A therapist who uses the word "abuse" is holding the perpetrator accountable and acknowledging the very real pain that the victim is experiencing.
Saying that something is abusive is not an attempt to shame it. It’s an attempt to properly train it. We love these people who are struggling with addictions. We love these men, and women in some cases, that are coming with these addictive behaviors, but it is important to recognize what they are in order to treat them properly.
Ana Marques, marriage and family therapist
5 Signs Your Therapist Is Trauma and Abuse-Informed
* Your husband's therapist knows how betrayal trauma impacts you.
* Your husband's therapist recognizes porn use and sex addiction as abusive.
* Your husband's therapist encourages you to set boundaries and maintain safety.
* Your husband's therapist demonstrates an understanding of true restitution.
* Your husband's therapist has specialized trainings and certifications for domestic abuse.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Betrayal and Abuse
The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group is a safe place for victims to ask questions, process trauma, express hard feelings, and make life-long connections with other victim...