"When you recognize that the person you’re living with is not the person you thought he was, you need to treat it like a 5-alarm fire. It is serious business. You can always walk it back later, but you set up your safety at a level 10. Many counselors, therapists, clergy don’t want to ring the alarm yet. They (convey), 'Oh it’s not that big of a deal. We don’t want the worst-case scenario.' The worst-case scenario in their mind is divorce, they don’t realize that the victim is already living in the worst-case scenario: an abusive relationship. You’ve got to get her out of that first, then figure it out."Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Victims of relational abuse (including victims of pornography-users), are frequently told by professionals, clergy, friends, and family, to stay in the relationship, as it is, for a period of time, before setting appropriate boundaries for safety.
This is often said in terms like, "Don't make any hasty decisions," or "You're too upset right now, just calm down and let things settle before making any big decisions," or "Just wait and see what he does."
This misguided and dangerous counsel can be devastating and even life-threatening to women and children in abusive relationships.
Safety, Support, Self-Care
At BTR, we firmly stand behind the time-tested truth that women must get to safety, find support, establish self-care, then make decisions about the future of the relationship.
It's very simple. Women deserve to be safe.
They deserve to be respected.
They deserve to be spiritually, mentally and physically healthy.
When a woman is abused in any way, to any degree, her safety is compromised and often decimated.
Counseling her to stay in an unsafe situation and "work things out" with her abuser is asking her to continue to have her mind and body literally torn apart. It makes zero sense.
BTR coaches understand the betrayal trauma model and help women get to safety, find support, and establish self-care. Schedule your session today.
Safety First... Then Relational Decisions
Many women find that once they are physically and emotionally safe, they're equipped to find the support they need to