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episode 158: I'm a Victim of Narcissistic Abuse, But They're Calling ME Crazy
When women find the courage to speak out about the narcissistic abuse they have endured, many find that they are immediately buffeted by family, friends, clergy, social media personalities, and their abuser. They are told that they are crazy, overly emotional, and even abusive.
Jennifer joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to empower women to identify and seek safety from the misogynistic scripting that is keeping them in a harmful and abusive situation. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Why Does My Narcissistic Abuser Call Me Crazy?
Disturbingly, many narcissistic abusers employ the abusive tactic of “turning tables” on the victim. This means that they gaslight her into believing that she is the problem in the relationship. This “table turning” is not only perpetrated by abusers, but by their flying monkeys (friends, family, and others who enable the abuser).
Abusers may blame women with phrases like:
* Why do my habits affect you so much?* You’re the controlling one.* If you weren’t so ____, I wouldn’t _____.* You’re always overreacting.* You’re such a sensitive person.* Why are you so jealous?* You always get like this when you’re on your period
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2tqTV3h2_A
But What if I Actually Am the Abusive Narcissist In My Relationship?
The table-turning and gaslighting can be so insidiously effective, that many women often believe that they are the narcissistic abuser, rather than their abusive partner.
Anne explains,
“If you’re thinking, ‘Am I the narcissist?’, take a step back and take a deep breath and think about your intention for safety, peace, and truth.”Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Often, the “abusive behaviors” that narcissistic abusers accuse their partners of, are actually safety-seeking behaviors.
Perhaps you have checked your abuser’s phone: that was not to control or harm him, but to secure the truth about his behaviors, because he won’t tell you the truth. Perhaps you have reacted to his infidelity with anger, intense sorrow, or even rage. These are normal human reactions to betrayal.
Abusers will use your healthy human behaviors to make you believe that you are actually abusive and crazy.
How Can I Stay Grounded In The Reality That I’m Not Crazy?
If you are seeking safety from abuse, chances are that you will be called crazy by your abuser, his family, and his other enablers. This is understandably devastating. But you can find peace in the assurance that seeking safety from abuse is the exact opposite of crazy. Harming and betraying someone that you supposedly love? That is crazy.
You can stay grounded in reality by:
* Joining the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group* Journaling and practicing mindfulness* Working one-on-one with a BTR coach* Repeating truthful affirmations to yourself, like, “I choose safety for myself because I am worth it.”
Finally,