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episode 167: Your Husband Is Devaluing You
Do you feel like you have emotional whiplash after a conversation with your husband? Does he put you up on a pedestal just to tear you down? Does he ask you to manage his life, then get sulky and resentful when you do what he requested?
Your husband is covertly devaluing you.
Sarah McDugal and Anne Blythe help you unpack covert devaluation on the free BTR podcast. Learn what it is, what it looks like, and how to start finding safety again. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast for more. Don't forget to check out Sarah's free resources and giveaways here.
What Is "Devaluing"?
Devaluing is an abusive tactic that leaves victims feeling confused, inadequate, unworthy, and/or isolated.
Devaluing is anything that diminishes or destroys the personhood of the other. [It's] treating the other person as if they are not deserving of honor and empathy and love and compassion and respect as a child of God.
Sarah McDugal, Wilderness to Wild
Is Your Husband Covertly Devaluing You?
Covert devaluing is notoriously difficult to detect, but Sarah McDugal gives us some helpful signs to help identify covert devaluing. Ask yourself:
* Does your husband try to "play God" in your life?
* Does your husband expect you to "play God" in his life?
* Does your husband try to isolate you from friends and family?
* Does your husband try to control your decisions through manipulation including sulking and guilt-tripping?
* Does your husband put you on a pedestal?
* Does your husband seem to get angry and abusive when you are vulnerable?
* Does your husband refuse (or say he "can't") show empathy and true pain when you express your own pain over his infidelity/abuse?
If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, your husband is covertly devaluing you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atXtC330ITw
Devaluing Is Destructive: You Deserve Support
If your husband is devaluing you, it is probably taking a toll on your body, mind, and spirit. You need safety and support.
The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group is a safe place to ask questions, share your story, process trauma, and learn how to set boundaries so that you can begin your journey to healing.
This does not have to be your life. You are worth so much more than this.
Join the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group today and find the support you deserve.
Check out Sarah McDugal's free resources here.
Full Transcript:
Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne.
I have my dear friend Sarah McDugal on the episode today and she's going to be on subsequent episodes so make sure that you stay tuned for all the episodes that we have together. But before we get to Sarah; I know this year has been hard for all of us. It has been a slog. Not only with the abuse but also obviously the coronavirus and all the other trials and tribulations that all of us are going through.