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episode 171: 3 Ways To Prepare To Divorce your Narcissist
Narcissistic men are notoriously abusive during the divorce process - and often extremely convincing pre-separation that they are not like those other abusers. They convince victims that they would never try to take the children, the money, spread lies and rumors, or make life difficult for the victim.
And they're lying.
Regardless of where you are in your journey to safety, at BTR, we strive to provide you with the information that you need to be prepared for every scenario.
Tina Swithin, courageous victim's advocate from One Mom's Battle joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to share 3 ways to prepare to divorce a narcissist.
Prepare To Divorce Your Narcissist: Get A Handle On Finances
Narcissistic abusers use financial abuse to control victims.
Financial abuse takes many forms, such as:
* Controlling the money and giving the partner an "allowance"
* Discouraging or refusing to allow the victim to hold a job
* Taking out loans or going into debt with or without telling the victim
* Hiding or compartmentalizing money from the victim
* Shaming or guilting the victim for spending
* Taking money from the children
* Refusing to work
* Using pornography at work
* Putting credit accounts in the victims name and debit/savings account in the abuser's name
* Using financial resources to pay for drugs, sex, pornography, or anything else that the victim does not know about and/or approve of
* Withholding financial resources as a tool to control the victim (i.e., sexual coercion)
For Tina, her abusive ex-husband kept her completely in the dark about their finances, which was severely detrimental to her during the divorce process:
I truly had no concept of where the money was, what was happening, and for that reason I started my new life and my new chapter with less than $200 to my name. Financial abuse was a huge piece of the abuse I had suffered, although during the marriage I didn't know that was financial abuse.
Tina Swithin, One Mom's Battle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiBzMSaZLQ0
Prepare To Divorce Your Narcissist By Documenting His Abusive Behaviors
Keep a careful record of any and all abusive, harmful, and negligent behaviors that your husband exhibits toward your children.
While this may feel daunting and overwhelming, trust your instincts and put the time in to carefully document his interactions with them.
I would have documented the things that were damaging to my children: the abuse, the emotional abuse, the short temper, things where my children were obviously affected by his behaviors.
Tina Swithin, One Mom's Battle
Choose Your Battles Wisely As You Prepare To Divorce Your Narcissist
The narcissist will invite you to so many different battles and when you engage in every one of them it muddies the water for the family court system so then you end up both looking like you're both high conflict when that typically isn't the case.
Tina Swithin, One Mom's Battle
Narcissists know how to push buttons. They know how to keep victims swallowed up in their destructive vortex of abuse.