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episode 178: Porn Is Abuse: Here's Why
Sex addiction therapists, clergy, and mainstream media continue to perpetuate the destructive lie that porn is not abuse; but the truth is plain and simple. Porn is abuse. Extreme abuse.
(Betrayal) is extreme. So, to say that it's too extreme to call it abuse? You went through years of psychological and emotional abuse and sexual coercion, and you are still a victim of abuse in your community from a perpetrator who is talking to your community about you and lying about you. If you don't call that extreme, what is? I think that is extreme. Of course, he hasn't like walked in with a gun or something like that but in terms of the way it affects you, it affects you on a daily basis. That is extreme. It's extreme abuse. There's no other word for it.Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Kathleen, a member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery, rejoins Anne on the free BTR podcast to take a deep dive into why porn use is abusive. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Porn Use Is Emotional And Psychological Abuse
When a man sexually betrays his partner with secret pornography use, he is emotionally and psychologically abusing her.
Abusive men who use pornography utilize many abusive tools to hide their porn use and avoid accountability. Some of those abusive tools include:
* Gaslighting* Turning tables* Lying* Manipulation* Sulking* Telling partial truths* Blame-shifting* Shaming* Stonewalling* Isolating * Withholding love, affection, and sex
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAkGCMiq9is&t=3s
Porn Use Destroys Trust
Even without the myriad of cruel and abusive tools that abusers employ to avoid accountability for their porn use, the act of betrayal is abusive in and of itself.
Porn use destroys trust.
In a monogamous, committed relationship, there is both an implied and explicit expectation of trust and fidelity. When men betray that trust, they are dismissing any regard for their partner's feelings, dreams, hopes, and expectations. They are trampling their partner's safety and trust under their feet. They are choosing to engage in behaviors that they know would cause intense damage to their partner.
How is that not abuse?
Porn Use Is Sexual Coercion Which Is Sexual Abuse
When an abusive man who uses pornography chooses to have sexual contact with a woman without disclosing his entire sexual history and current sexual behaviors, he is not giving her the opportunity to give her informed consent to the sexual experience.
Sex without informed consent is rape.
Too many women are victims of marital rape and sexual coercion on a daily basis because their husbands are secretly using pornography then having sex with them and never disclosing the truth.
Women deserve to know who they're sleeping with. Withholding vital information about the sexual partnership is abusive.
How is withholding the right for a woman to give consent to sex not abusive?
BTR Stands With Women
At BTR, we stand with you. We know the pain and horror of clergy, therapists, family, and friends siding with the abuser instead of the victim because it is "just porn". We know the frustration and rage of being calle...