Can divorce be the doorway to your best life?
Andrea Hipps, author of The Best, Worst Time of Your Life; Four Practices to Get You Through the Pain of Your Divorce, is on the podcast this week. Andrea and Anne take a deep dive into the post-traumatic growth that women experience when they use divorce as a catalyst to prioritizing themselves and their value systems - even in the face of the grief and pain that accompanies divorce. Read the full transcript below and listen to the BTR podcast for more.
"But I Never Wanted Divorce"
Many women in the BTR Group Sessions mourn the loss of the life they hoped for and dreamed of - none of us got married or entered a committed relationship planning on experiencing abuse and betrayal. And when abuse and betrayal were uncovered, they invested deeply in anything they were told could "save" the marriage - often to the detriment of their own mental and physical health.
It's important to understand that divorce doesn't end a marriage - abuse and betrayal end marriages.
"I wouldn't choose it. I don't want it. I would've avoided it if I could, but it created results in me that I treasure."Andrea Hipps, Author
"I Feel Selfish Choosing 'Me' Over 'We'"
The years that we're investing in marriage are very much a 'we'; we're always thinking about the 'we' even if that 'we' is filled with abuse, we're still thinking, how can I make this 'we' better? And to really go through divorce well is to be able to separate in a way that starts to really only consider 'me'.Andrea Hipps, Author
Abuse conditions victims to put their own needs and desires at the very bottom of every list. Often, women feel selfish and silly for prioritizing themselves in any capacity. Some may even feel fear for doing so.
Choosing to prioritize yourself is a conscious decision that is both healthy and necessary in order to create and curate a beautiful life for yourself post-divorce. It takes practice and deliberate effort - but you can do it!
"How Can I Do Any of This When I Don't Even Know Myself Anymore?"
Most women in the BTR Group Sessions have expressed a loss of identity through their years of experiencing betrayal and abuse.
The fear of building a new life without a firm grasp on the reality of your own identity is real and understandable.
You begin to remember and rebuild your identity when you reconnect with your value system.
You can ask yourself questions like:
* What morals, values, and deep truths are most important to me?* What values have I consistently thought back on, even if I have not been able to live up to them in moments of self-defense or protective action?* What values do I find most admirable in other people?
Examining and choosing your value system is a powerful way to ground yourself down in who you really are.
BTR Is Here For You
Divorce is one of the most difficult topics that we discuss in the BTR Group Sessions, but it's absolutely essential that women going through this process have a safe space to process their emotions and thoughts.