btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG
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episode 247: Abandonment: What You Need to Know
When they abuse you, betray you, and harm your children, the trauma is intense and healing is an uphill battle.
But add abandonment on top of that, and a whole new layer of emotions arise.
Chandra is back on the BTR.ORG podcast, sharing what you need to know about abandonment trauma after an abusive marriage. Tune to the podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Even When You Want The Marriage to End, Abandonment Hurts
Women in the BTR.ORG community often express that even if they were planning on divorce or hoping to leave their abusive marriages, they experienced significant trauma when the abuser abandoned them - even if they simultaneously experienced relief.
Sometimes victims feel guilt and confusion for these seemingly conflicting emotions - Shouldn't I be grateful that he's gone? Shouldn't I be happy that I didn't have to make the choice to leave?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58OZhEA8jDM&t=4s
After Abandonment, You May Wish You'd Left Him First
Looking back, I wish I had, I wish it had been me that left him because I would've been in better shape emotionally.Chandra, Member of the BTR.ORG Community
It's common to play it all out in your mind, imagining that you'd been the one to abandon the abuser.
The humiliation, devastation, and grief of abandonment is real and it's natural to wish you could have avoided it by being the one to leave the marriage first.
Abandonment Can Be A Covert Process
Remember, image-management is a top-priority for abusers.
To maintain their image, abusers tactically coerce the victim into kicking them out, so that they can blame the victim for ending the marriage. They may:
* Disclose partial truths about affairs or other sexual betrayals* "Accidentally" leave out evidence for the victim, such as emails, texts, or other proof of affairs, STDs, betrayal, drug use, etc.* Begin the process of financial abuse, including siphoning money from accounts * Openly violate the victim's safety by introducing affair partners to the children
The concept is to push the victim into a situation where she has no option but to kick the abuser out. Then the abuser gets to play the "poor me" card.
He wanted me to kick him out. I didn't see it at the time but looking back it was painfully obvious. And then he could blame me for it. So he really wanted to leave, but he wanted to blame me.Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
The betrayal trauma women experience from abandonment is unique and requires support, validation, and understanding.
BTR.ORG Group Sessions are the safest space available for women to process trauma and find community on the journey to healing. Join today.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne.
Last week we had a member of our community, Chandra, on the episode, and she is back for the next few episodes. If you have not heard that yet, go back,