If you're like most women in our community, you've asked yourself this question:
Is healthy marriage a myth?
Is it even possible to be in a marriage where I feel safe, loved, validated, and comfortable?
If you've been abused, the idea of safe, loving marriage may seem impossible. But Chandra's back on the podcast sharing the finale of her powerful story - of overcoming two abusive marriages and finding healing in a third, healthy, happy, and easy marriage.
Tune in to the free BTR.ORG podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Healthy Marriages Don't Include Secret Porn Use
When you've got a man that is not secretly using porn, you get to be the apple of his eye. What I mean is you get to be the center of his world because he's not distracted and looking around at everything else. And that's what I wanted getting married, was to be in a situation with somebody that really loves me and cares about me and wants to focus on me and love me, and me love him in return. And that's what I wanted. And now I finally have that and it's like night and day.Chandra, Member of the BTR.ORG Community
Betrayal Trauma from a husband's secret porn use can be devastating. Healthy marriages include transparency and fidelity.
Secret porn use is often accompanied by gaslighting, lying, manipulation, and sexually coercive behaviors. These forms of abuse create a completely unsafe environment for women and families. Healthy men provide healthy environments for healthy marriages. Secret porn use has no place here.
Let's Talk Power-With (Instead of Power-Over)
Healthy marriages operate using a power-with dynamic:
* Mutuality* Partnership* Trust
The mentality is that neither member of the partnership is trying to control or manipulate the other - both are lifting the other and in doing so, both individuals (and the marriage) are growing and thriving.
In an abusive dynamic, the abuser is consistently seeking power over the victim. Whether this is done covertly or overtly - the abuser uses manipulative, coercive, and even violent tactics to control the victim.
Healthy Marriages Exist - We Promise!
Women in our community have expressed time and time again that they have entered into second or third marriages with "normal" (healthy) men. And the stark difference between the abusive men and the healthy men in their lives is often beyond description. Chandra says:
It's so much easier. It's so peaceful, it's so different.Chandra, Member of the BTR.ORG Community
If a healthy marriage is something you would like to seek, make safety your number one priority. As you seek out emotional, sexual, physical, and financial safety, you open up your reality to the possibility of healthy relationships.
Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. Chandra, a member of our community is back on today's podcast. If you haven't heard the last three episodes, she's been sharing her story and it's been amazing. So if you haven't, then listen to those three episodes first (This Is How Abusers Control the Narrative,