Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs

This week, Karen and Sunny tackle an important question facing all married moms: How do I keep my marriage a priority? With the stress of kids, work and life it can be difficult to connect with your spouse emotionally, physically and spiritually. Karen shares her best tips and words of encouragement that have helped her over her 30-year marriage.

Question 1: How do you and your husband invest in each other. Has this changed as your children have aged?”

Karen’s Answer: Greg and I are normal.  Through our 30 years of marriage I’ve learned that what makes a marriage solid is communication. I learned to speak up and tell Greg when I needed a date night.  I played the martyr game for a long time and let me tell you…it doesn’t work. Now, I tell Greg when my love tank is getting low and I need to feel special. When I was young I thought he should just magically know, but the reality is: Men can’t read our minds. So, I tell Greg when I need a date night, or alone time, or am I’m anticipating a special birthday gift. I know that doesn’t always feel romantic, but I’ve learned that life and marriage isn’t like the movies, and we need to always communicate to each other how we want to invest in our marriage.

Question 2: “When you get in an intimacy rut, how do you re-establish a routine of physically connecting on more routine basis? Especially with kids, work and life being so exhausting?”

Karen’s Answer: Keep pushing forward. Just because you are in a rut, don’t stop. Intimacy in marriage is a big part of marriage.  It’s not everything, but it is a big part. So, realize that one day you will have more energy, but right now, just keep doing what you have to do to stay connected.

Question 3:“What are your tips for staying spiritually connected on matters of faith with your husband when we are tired and stressed? We are trying to find a healthy, disciplined routine to reach a happy balance.”

Karen’s Answer: When we were early on in our marriage, I kept pushing Greg to be this strong leader of our home spiritually. I would stay on Greg all the time with questions like, “Have you read your Bible?” or “Let’s talk about the sermon today.” All Greg would say was: “it was good.“ UGH, it drove me crazy! Then one day, I was praying about Greg, and it’s like God said to me, “leave Greg alone, his relationship with Me is between him and Me.” It was a huge turning point for me. So, I did. Greg is a good and Godly man who loves the Lord.  God started showing up in the unlikeliest people in Greg’s life, people that I would have never thought God would use, but he did. So, I guess I learned to leave that in God’s hands and trust in God that he would pursue my husband and all I needed to do was love my husband.

Resources Mentioned:

Letters to Moms

The Language of Sex by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham

Says Who? Part 2

Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God.

If you missed last week's episode, Am I Making the Right Decisions for My Newborn?, or any other episode—listen to them here!