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03:08 got a letter from Olive Dame Campbell, who founded the John

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07:44 Attachment theory was first introduced by two psychologists, John Bolby

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08:03 John Baez und Donovan verhalfen dem Lied in den 60er Jahren zu großer Popularität.

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41:45 to play you know, an old lady version of John Wick,

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15:31 das ist so ein bisschen der John-Wayne-Moment, ja, herzlichen Glückwunsch,

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40:13 can't afford the legal. Right. And I'm like, well, John, a, John 49:15 between entrepreneur and John Lee Dumas is 40:28 Gordon Firemark. But I just thought it was interesting that John started

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11:16 Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, weil ich einfach einen riesen John Mayer.

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1:48:02 is John Senna? Who's John Senna? I don't know who 44:28 oh John Senna, no one ever tell her. 43:53 then suddenly it's John Cena Mermaid. I don't think Greta

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05:44 00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:05.137 This is The Relaxed Male, a show that comes to you each week, 00:00:05.257 --> 00:00:10.097 helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live 00:00:10.097 --> 00:00:12.137 their life on their terms. 00:00:12.537 --> 00:00:18.377 Join the host and certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of 00:00:18.377 --> 00:00:20.877 their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them. 00:00:20.877 --> 00:00:24.397 Why do we need to have other relationships in our lives? 00:00:24.517 --> 00:00:29.137 We're going to be talking about that this week on episode 221 of The Relaxed Male. 00:00:33.497 --> 00:00:36.237 Hey man, hello, and welcome to the relaxed male. 00:00:36.297 --> 00:00:40.497 I'm your host, Brian, and I am a certified men's coach who assists men who are 00:00:40.497 --> 00:00:42.817 just neck deep in the sufferings of their life. 00:00:43.037 --> 00:00:48.217 Men who are just going through the day-to-day struggles of life to divorce, 00:00:48.397 --> 00:00:52.617 trying to build a better relationship with their wives and their girlfriends 00:00:52.617 --> 00:00:56.937 and their children and their bosses and their other friends, all those around us. 00:00:56.937 --> 00:00:59.897 This is where this show shines. 00:01:00.177 --> 00:01:04.057 This show helps men find their why. 00:01:04.277 --> 00:01:07.837 Get out of their own head. 00:01:07.937 --> 00:01:16.297 Help men to stop being just being a little bump on a log and get them out there 00:01:16.297 --> 00:01:18.737 and start having great and wonderful relationships. 00:01:18.737 --> 00:01:22.517 Start helping them to change how they look at life, 00:01:22.637 --> 00:01:26.697 change how they look at how they interact with other people so that they can 00:01:26.697 --> 00:01:30.777 actually just stop the sufferings and actually get out there, 00:01:30.837 --> 00:01:33.797 start living fulfilling lives and enjoy life. 00:01:34.922 --> 00:01:40.322 Life to the fullest. And this week we're talking about relationships in general. 00:01:40.382 --> 00:01:42.202 Why are relationships important? 00:01:42.722 --> 00:01:46.342 But before we get into that, I wanted to say hello and welcome and thank you 00:01:46.342 --> 00:01:49.742 all for coming by and listening to the, to the show. 00:01:49.802 --> 00:01:52.382 And is this your first time to the show? 00:01:52.962 --> 00:01:57.242 Welcome, welcome, welcome one and all. I am your host, Brian, 00:01:57.402 --> 00:01:59.422 and I am a certified men's coach. 00:01:59.502 --> 00:02:04.562 I help Help men in getting to the bottom of their relationship problems, 00:02:04.842 --> 00:02:09.702 helping them change the thoughts of what's causing their problems, 00:02:09.822 --> 00:02:13.442 and helping them to become better men all around. 00:02:13.442 --> 00:02:21.202 And if you are wanting to get this podcast downloaded to your phone or platform 00:02:21.202 --> 00:02:24.942 of choice, please click the like, follow, subscribe. 00:02:25.402 --> 00:02:30.102 Whatever your podcasting platform of choice has. 00:02:30.362 --> 00:02:35.562 And it'll get downloaded to your phone every Thursday, and you'll be able to 00:02:35.562 --> 00:02:40.622 get new information on how you can have a better relationship. 00:02:40.622 --> 00:02:44.922 And this week, we're just going to, and we'll just jump right on in. 00:02:45.022 --> 00:02:49.902 And this week we're talking about why relationships are important because men, 00:02:50.002 --> 00:02:55.082 sadly, we all struggle with our relationships, whether it's relationships with 00:02:55.082 --> 00:02:58.762 our family, relationships with our, our spouse. 00:02:59.042 --> 00:03:01.682 Relationships with our girlfriends, relationships with our children, 00:03:01.842 --> 00:03:03.122 relationships with our boss. 00:03:03.382 --> 00:03:07.162 We have problems with relationships. relationships we struggle 00:03:07.162 --> 00:03:10.182 so much with in in the realm 00:03:10.182 --> 00:03:13.702 of relationships that we often give 00:03:13.702 --> 00:03:17.082 up and we stop trying to have good 00:03:17.082 --> 00:03:20.262 strong relationships we just try to acquiesce and 00:03:20.262 --> 00:03:23.662 have just something that resembles a relationship 00:03:23.662 --> 00:03:30.922 this is one reason why you have so many men who go to the dating sites and they're 00:03:30.922 --> 00:03:34.942 there just for the hookup culture they're they think they're having They're 00:03:34.942 --> 00:03:42.322 relieving a slight itch when they're actually causing more of a problem than before. 00:03:42.602 --> 00:03:48.342 And I wanted to kind of talk about this because we have our reasons as to why. 00:03:48.402 --> 00:03:51.642 And we've got a lot of different reasons as to why we avoid our relationships 00:03:51.642 --> 00:03:57.222 and why we don't have as strong of relationships as we'd like to have. 00:03:57.542 --> 00:04:04.002 We struggle with just trying to have a good relationship with our wives. 00:04:04.002 --> 00:04:09.902 And that should be one, one relationship that we have a very strong connection 00:04:09.902 --> 00:04:14.282 to, but for whatever reason, a lot of times we don't. 00:04:14.522 --> 00:04:19.962 And it almost seems like it gets harder and harder the further down the road you go. 00:04:20.222 --> 00:04:23.862 It's a good thing though, because us men, if we get, if we. 00:04:24.561 --> 00:04:27.561 These days, if we had the choice, we would just hermitize ourselves. 00:04:27.761 --> 00:04:32.361 We would just go find a little corner of a mountain, park ourselves in there, not see anybody. 00:04:32.481 --> 00:04:37.581 And a good majority of the men would be pretty much okay with that, 00:04:37.661 --> 00:04:39.781 except for the fact that they wouldn't be okay. 00:04:39.881 --> 00:04:44.181 There's so many drawbacks to withdrawing yourself, doing the whole, 00:04:44.301 --> 00:04:48.761 and I haven't actually seen much of it here recently, But the whole MGTO movement. 00:04:49.361 --> 00:04:54.221 Men going their own way, seems to finally kind of be withering away where men 00:04:54.221 --> 00:04:59.201 are stopping the whole, I'm going to take my toys and go home and not talk to nobody. 00:04:59.701 --> 00:05:05.461 That whole line of victim thinking is causing a lot of problems. 00:05:05.561 --> 00:05:07.061 Thankfully, it's going away. But 00:05:07.061 --> 00:05:13.081 there are benefits to having a good relationship, having a good, strong, 00:05:13.421 --> 00:05:21.801 connected relationship, having a secure attachment as opposed to having an attachment 00:05:21.801 --> 00:05:24.321 style of like avoidance or anxious attachment. 00:05:24.321 --> 00:05:30.061 And a lot of these are just, those different types of attachment styles are 00:05:30.061 --> 00:05:39.401 learned and it's an interesting way of looking at how we interact with other 00:05:39.401 --> 00:05:41.901 people through those different types of attachment styles. 00:05:41.901 --> 00:05:47.381 I'm just now kind of diving into the different attachment styles and seeing 00:05:47.381 --> 00:05:51.241 how well they jive with what I've seen happen. 00:05:51.401 --> 00:05:54.881 And a lot of it, you know, kind of like the whole trauma thing. 00:05:55.721 --> 00:05:59.621 I get what they're aiming at, but they're using completely wrong words. 00:05:59.841 --> 00:06:05.081 And that's, that's the, actually the issue that I have is, is with 90% of it. 00:06:05.081 --> 00:06:11.501 Are there times that people are responding to a very familiar circumstance? 00:06:12.141 --> 00:06:16.301 Yeah. Yeah, they are. But is that circumstance a trauma? 00:06:16.761 --> 00:06:20.061 Is that the way they respond? Is that a trauma response? 00:06:20.421 --> 00:06:24.961 That's where I'm going, no, no, not really. That's not a, they may have seen 00:06:24.961 --> 00:06:27.761 it as being traumatic, but they were not physically harmed. 00:06:27.861 --> 00:06:32.481 They did not lose a finger in the breakup with their girlfriend. 00:06:32.481 --> 00:06:35.881 I mean, Johnny Depp did have his finger bit off, but you know, 00:06:35.881 --> 00:06:38.581 that's, that was a trauma that's traumatic. 00:06:38.941 --> 00:06:46.061 That was a trauma, um, instant, but the 90% of us, 99% of us don't have that 00:06:46.061 --> 00:06:48.201 type of, uh, uh, of instance. 00:06:49.201 --> 00:06:53.541 But there's a lot of benefits. And some of the major ones, the three biggest 00:06:53.541 --> 00:06:55.501 ones are, one, we live longer. 00:06:55.701 --> 00:06:59.701 Whether we are, especially when we're married. When we're married, we live longer. 00:06:59.841 --> 00:07:06.681 When we have a good, strong connection in that marriage, we are more content. 00:07:07.461 --> 00:07:14.381 We have a sense of purpose. And that helps us to live longer in our days. 00:07:14.381 --> 00:07:17.901 That's why also shortly after grandma dies, if granddad's still around, 00:07:18.061 --> 00:07:20.921 he may live another five years. 00:07:21.061 --> 00:07:26.581 A lot of men, when they lose their wife, they literally die of a broken heart. 00:07:26.701 --> 00:07:32.821 Shortly thereafter, they are slowing down and pass away. 00:07:33.121 --> 00:07:36.561 We need our solid, strong relationships. 00:07:36.561 --> 00:07:44.941 And that is a, that's just a sad fact of life that when we are married, 00:07:45.141 --> 00:07:53.261 we will live well into our eighties while many men who are single might make it to their seventies. 00:07:53.361 --> 00:07:58.961 Men who are, who are in good relationships have lower suicide tendencies, 00:07:59.081 --> 00:08:01.681 not saying they don't have any, it doesn't drop to zero. 00:08:01.681 --> 00:08:04.621 Zero but compared to men who can 00:08:04.621 --> 00:08:07.661 isolate themselves a good strong relationship 00:08:07.661 --> 00:08:10.501 keeps men on the right 00:08:10.501 --> 00:08:13.241 side of of the ground you can all 00:08:13.241 --> 00:08:16.061 usually start telling something's up when you 00:08:16.061 --> 00:08:21.421 see men starting to pull away when all of a sudden guys a guy who you you're 00:08:21.421 --> 00:08:25.301 you're used to seeing every day he comes in shows up y'all talk for a while 00:08:25.301 --> 00:08:31.041 and he starts not talking as much eventually eventually stops showing up and 00:08:31.041 --> 00:08:34.501 just stays at home and walls himself up. 00:08:35.041 --> 00:08:39.001 That's a sign that there's a problem and he's drawn away. He's pulling away 00:08:39.001 --> 00:08:41.381 and there's good chances that something might be happening. 00:08:42.161 --> 00:08:48.681 And when you have strong friends around you, they will recognize that. They draw you out. 00:08:48.721 --> 00:08:53.181 They won't let you have a chance to just wall yourself up and do anything. 00:08:53.561 --> 00:08:57.601 You're going to be going out. They're going to take you out and have you get into trouble with them. 00:08:57.761 --> 00:09:02.801 And yeah, even 70-year-old men will get out and go get into trouble when you 00:09:02.801 --> 00:09:06.461 have a bunch of guys, 70-year-old guys hanging around. And it's fun. 00:09:06.641 --> 00:09:13.141 It's something that we do. We enjoy life. And you enjoy life more when you have 00:09:13.141 --> 00:09:18.921 friends around, when you have a strong masculine relationship with other men, 00:09:19.041 --> 00:09:22.661 when you have a strong relationship with your wife. 00:09:22.821 --> 00:09:27.061 And that leads into the third big benefit. 00:09:27.141 --> 00:09:31.381 And that is men all around are just happier when they are married. 00:09:31.381 --> 00:09:35.741 Yeah, they, we joked that the, you know, all the haranguing and nagging and 00:09:35.741 --> 00:09:41.941 all that causes us, you know, you see the, the, the meme of the one owl that's 00:09:41.941 --> 00:09:45.441 screeching, uh, basically in the ear of the other one. 00:09:45.441 --> 00:09:49.201 The other one's got one eye closed and, you know, just looks like he's like 00:09:49.201 --> 00:09:51.181 kind of spazzing out a little bit. 00:09:51.421 --> 00:09:59.841 And it says one owl is wanting a divorce that, you know, we may joke about stuff like that. 00:09:59.841 --> 00:10:06.621 But in all reality, we are happier when we're married, when we have strong relationships, 00:10:06.921 --> 00:10:11.821 not just with women, but when we have good, strong relationships with other men. 00:10:11.941 --> 00:10:17.621 And when we have those relationships, we become more fulfilled. 00:10:17.821 --> 00:10:20.261 Our friends push us to do things. 00:10:21.123 --> 00:10:26.083 Our friends cause us to get out of the house, do things on a constant basis, 00:10:26.203 --> 00:10:27.643 push ourselves to be better. 00:10:27.703 --> 00:10:34.183 We're like the little 10-year-old kids where who can climb to the top of the 00:10:34.183 --> 00:10:35.763 tree, climb the highest in the tree? 00:10:35.883 --> 00:10:40.523 We're going to try because we want to know who can climb to the highest. 00:10:40.803 --> 00:10:45.363 Well, if you're 50 years old, you may not be climbing to the top of the pine 00:10:45.363 --> 00:10:50.383 tree, but you're going to be doing stuff that you normally wouldn't do. 00:10:50.383 --> 00:10:53.763 Two, if you didn't have friends around, if you didn't have friends, 00:10:53.823 --> 00:10:55.243 you'd probably just be staying at the house. 00:10:55.303 --> 00:10:58.363 You might mow the lawn a little bit here or there, and that's about it. 00:10:58.623 --> 00:11:01.403 While if you have friends, you're going to go out, you're going to go golfing, 00:11:01.403 --> 00:11:05.743 you're going to do disc golfing, you're going to camp, you're going to go kayaking, 00:11:05.823 --> 00:11:09.643 you're going to go on a moose hunt and an elk hunt, followed up with that, and then go hunt deer. 00:11:10.483 --> 00:11:15.523 We're doing to do all these things. And all these activities allow us to have 00:11:15.523 --> 00:11:23.003 more life within us, which allow us to have more energy, more fulfillment in our lives. 00:11:23.163 --> 00:11:28.863 Now, one of the benefits, there are also benefits that are specific for each man. 00:11:28.943 --> 00:11:33.623 And when it comes to relationships, relationships with women actually help men 00:11:33.623 --> 00:11:35.583 see life as an adventure. 00:11:35.583 --> 00:11:42.243 Because a man has three longings in his life, according to John Eldredge of 00:11:42.243 --> 00:11:45.843 Wild at Heart, the author of Wild at Heart. 00:11:45.983 --> 00:11:48.403 Men want battles to fight. 00:11:48.563 --> 00:11:54.643 We want to have a purpose. That is, we have to have something we are striving for. 00:11:54.723 --> 00:11:57.803 We want a battle to fight. We dream of adventure. 00:11:58.483 --> 00:12:01.683 We want to go out on adventures, have these high adventures, 00:12:01.843 --> 00:12:07.203 not just be sitting at the house all day. And we also long for a beauty rescue. 00:12:07.323 --> 00:12:10.523 Again, we want to have our wife with us. We want to have a girlfriend. 00:12:10.663 --> 00:12:18.823 We want to have someone we can stand beside and take on the world shoulder to shoulder, back to back. 00:12:19.103 --> 00:12:24.583 We want these three things. And so, yeah, with our wife by our side, 00:12:24.683 --> 00:12:27.043 we can have those high adventures. 00:12:27.303 --> 00:12:33.343 We have the beauty that we get to rescue. rescue. But see, as guys, 00:12:33.463 --> 00:12:37.063 we love to be able to care for somebody. 00:12:37.203 --> 00:12:42.263 And having a woman, this is one reason why we want women around us so much. 00:12:42.423 --> 00:12:48.423 Because one of the big things that us men love to do is we love to be able to care for other people. 00:12:48.683 --> 00:12:52.203 It's why we love having kids. We enjoy the hell out of it. 00:12:52.955 --> 00:12:59.935 We want the kids, we want the wife, and we want the wife who wants to care for us. 00:13:00.095 --> 00:13:05.575 Now, yes, we love to have a strong, independent woman who doesn't require that 00:13:05.575 --> 00:13:08.675 we do everything for them. 00:13:08.815 --> 00:13:17.015 Well, I can't do X, Y, or Z, so I need to have you around at all times so that that gets none. 00:13:17.475 --> 00:13:20.575 No, go out. and if you 00:13:20.575 --> 00:13:23.575 need to go to the go to town go to town 00:13:23.575 --> 00:13:26.795 don't wait for the guide to be around 00:13:26.795 --> 00:13:29.515 we love to be able to take you 00:13:29.515 --> 00:13:32.335 to town and go shopping with you but at 00:13:32.335 --> 00:13:37.055 the same time don't stand around and think that it's us that we that has to 00:13:37.055 --> 00:13:42.795 take you we want a man we want women who are strong and independent but also 00:13:42.795 --> 00:13:47.915 likes to be cared for and a woman who is strong and independent Independent 00:13:47.915 --> 00:13:51.695 also loves to be able to care for their men. 00:13:51.875 --> 00:13:55.595 We also, believe it or not, and a lot of the feminists won't agree with this, 00:13:55.675 --> 00:14:00.675 but we actually do appreciate the input that women give. 00:14:00.935 --> 00:14:04.075 When it's given in a means of giving of input. 00:14:04.595 --> 00:14:07.175 If it is just, well, you need to be doing it like this. You know, 00:14:07.195 --> 00:14:09.855 if it's done in a nagging way, we're just going, yeah, okay. 00:14:10.055 --> 00:14:14.675 And we're just going to kind of roll our eyes and okay. And get the conversation 00:14:14.675 --> 00:14:17.915 over. And we want specifics in these relationships. 00:14:18.315 --> 00:14:21.495 And sadly, in today's society, we don't find these. 00:14:21.655 --> 00:14:26.675 But some of the specifics in relationships that we like is praise and approval. 00:14:26.935 --> 00:14:30.255 You know, the words of affirmation in love language. 00:14:30.495 --> 00:14:33.815 A lot of us men like those words. One and attaboy. 00:14:33.995 --> 00:14:39.495 Go get them, tiger, type of thing. That's why so many men like Spider-Man. 00:14:39.515 --> 00:14:45.835 We heard, you know, Mary Jane Watson, go get them, tiger. And it actually acted 00:14:45.835 --> 00:14:50.535 like she really expected that men also want respect. 00:14:50.695 --> 00:14:55.335 I get it. Yes. I understand. Women want respect too. And there's a lot of men 00:14:55.335 --> 00:14:58.535 out there who have trouble issuing out respect. 00:14:58.715 --> 00:15:02.515 And that is a, that's a different topic for a different day, 00:15:02.595 --> 00:15:07.015 but men, we all, each, all humans want respect. 00:15:07.715 --> 00:15:10.835 That connection is important. important 00:15:10.835 --> 00:15:14.855 we want to be able to feel like we are connected to our 00:15:14.855 --> 00:15:17.735 wives to our spouse but at the same time 00:15:17.735 --> 00:15:23.275 we need that men need our fortress of solitude and when we are able to attain 00:15:23.275 --> 00:15:28.735 to go to that fortress solitude we can step back and breathe because it gives 00:15:28.735 --> 00:15:34.055 us space that we need the place where we can just kind of be the weirdo and 00:15:34.055 --> 00:15:36.735 we don't have to worry so much about you know Well, 00:15:36.955 --> 00:15:41.715 am I scratching my nuts in front of the kids when I shouldn't be? 00:15:42.774 --> 00:15:48.334 Those are, we need places just to decompress, to expand a little bit because 00:15:48.334 --> 00:15:53.534 we're, you know, we're always on, on guard, making sure that our family is safe. 00:15:53.654 --> 00:15:58.974 And so when we can find our fortress of solitude, find a place where we can, 00:15:58.974 --> 00:16:03.294 our magic spot in wherever it is, maybe be out in the woods, 00:16:03.354 --> 00:16:05.614 maybe in the barn, maybe in your workshop, 00:16:05.734 --> 00:16:09.754 maybe in the, in the, um, in sitting in front of the computer. 00:16:09.754 --> 00:16:12.174 But there's some place that you can sit and just kind of go, 00:16:12.214 --> 00:16:14.974 all right. But men also want security. 00:16:15.614 --> 00:16:21.374 Security in when we're talking, we're not having our words thrown right back 00:16:21.374 --> 00:16:26.514 at us, having our words twisted and thrown in our face. 00:16:26.854 --> 00:16:30.594 Women often say, well, you don't talk to me like you used to. 00:16:30.634 --> 00:16:34.434 Well, yeah, because if I do, you're just going to hold on to it for about three 00:16:34.434 --> 00:16:38.194 months. and then all of a sudden it's going to be a weapon that's used against me. 00:16:38.934 --> 00:16:46.934 Us men aren't going to have a good relationship unless you can understand and not take, 00:16:47.054 --> 00:16:52.114 yeah, we may say something that hurts or we may say something in the moment 00:16:52.114 --> 00:16:54.014 that doesn't need to be said. 00:16:54.154 --> 00:17:00.934 And if we apologize for it, good, drop it, let it go, put it in the dumpster 00:17:00.934 --> 00:17:02.834 and never bring it out again. 00:17:02.834 --> 00:17:08.234 And then finally, one of the big things, and this devolves into sex and other 00:17:08.234 --> 00:17:11.654 things like that, but we also need physical touch. 00:17:11.734 --> 00:17:14.874 But that's not just from women. That's men, too. 00:17:15.114 --> 00:17:20.454 We need that physical touch, that hand on the shoulder, the arms around the 00:17:20.454 --> 00:17:22.534 shoulder saying, dude, you did good. 00:17:22.614 --> 00:17:25.214 You kicked ass. Good job. We want those things. 00:17:25.794 --> 00:17:31.734 We like those things. Men are very physically, physical touched, oriented. 00:17:31.734 --> 00:17:36.674 And so from the wife, just the light grazing on the shoulder, 00:17:36.774 --> 00:17:41.854 the light touch, the kiss, the whisper, the sensual things. 00:17:42.134 --> 00:17:49.974 Yeah, we talk about girls being romantics. No, bullshit. I call crap on that one all the time. 00:17:50.814 --> 00:17:55.754 Us men are the romantics. We're the ones sitting around wishing that our wives 00:17:55.754 --> 00:18:00.374 would, you know, spice things up a little bit. Now granted, it would help if 00:18:00.374 --> 00:18:03.634 we actually let our wives know That hey, I'd like to have you spice things up 00:18:03.634 --> 00:18:04.874 a little bit in the bedroom, you know, 00:18:05.640 --> 00:18:09.560 You mind dressing up a little bit? You mind putting some makeup on before I get home? 00:18:10.040 --> 00:18:15.860 A lot of times they may say no, but who knows? You might, from time to time, she may just do it. 00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:20.920 And she sees you react to that in a very favorable way. Guess what she's going 00:18:20.920 --> 00:18:22.240 to do? She's going to do it even more. 00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:26.640 Because women like to have that affirmation too, to have that praise and affirmations. 00:18:26.780 --> 00:18:29.860 Be told that they're a good girl, that they're doing great. 00:18:30.020 --> 00:18:33.580 They're an awesome wife. life now there's things 00:18:33.580 --> 00:18:36.400 that relationships with men though 00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:39.160 we need the reason why we need other 00:18:39.160 --> 00:18:42.440 men is because it allows us to be 00:18:42.440 --> 00:18:45.300 pushed to be better like i 00:18:45.300 --> 00:18:50.460 said before we're going to climb the highest tree if our friends push us to 00:18:50.460 --> 00:18:55.420 climb the highest tree we're going to jump the grand canyon if our friend pushes 00:18:55.420 --> 00:18:59.700 us to jump the grand canyon we're at least going to try it but another Another 00:18:59.700 --> 00:19:03.560 thing that comes from men being around other men, 00:19:03.640 --> 00:19:06.460 men having strong relationships. 00:19:07.060 --> 00:19:12.760 With other men is that they learn more when they go and hang out with the other men in their lives. 00:19:12.820 --> 00:19:17.440 Men come back with more positive masculine energy. 00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:21.880 We need that energy from other men. That's the only way we really get it. 00:19:21.900 --> 00:19:26.080 If we're spending all our time around feminine energy, we're not going to be 00:19:26.080 --> 00:19:31.420 super masculine man. We're going to become feminized masculine man. 00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:36.940 And there's a lot more unwanted energy with that. 00:19:37.280 --> 00:19:43.540 Our wife wants our positive masculine energy. And if we can't provide it, 00:19:43.600 --> 00:19:45.160 she's going to lose her respect. 00:19:45.460 --> 00:19:49.240 Women can't love men that they don't respect. 00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:56.260 So we need to have a connection with other men for this fact so that we have respect from our women. 00:19:56.260 --> 00:20:01.500 So connection with other men, having those men groups, those times when men 00:20:01.500 --> 00:20:06.440 meet on a regular basis is incredibly important for other men. 00:20:06.560 --> 00:20:10.160 The men that you speak with need your masculinity. 00:20:11.249 --> 00:20:14.589 And you need the masculinity from the other men that you're with. 00:20:14.929 --> 00:20:21.449 So to be able to have a good, solid relationship with other men is a benefit. It's a huge perk. 00:20:21.749 --> 00:20:28.089 But sadly, many men don't have as many friends as they really need to have. 00:20:28.329 --> 00:20:35.589 They may, I think it's like 15% of men don't have close friends. 00:20:35.829 --> 00:20:41.109 How sad is that? Don't have any friends. to live life without a friend. 00:20:41.329 --> 00:20:45.829 And then you add that to the men who don't have a, don't have a wife, 00:20:45.869 --> 00:20:49.389 don't have a girlfriend, don't have any type of relationship. 00:20:49.989 --> 00:20:53.569 There's a lot of men who are, there's a reason why a lot of men are dying off. 00:20:53.889 --> 00:20:58.529 Now, a lot of it is all now, some of it is, is beyond their, their control. 00:20:58.649 --> 00:21:02.349 It could be that they have some form of autism that they are, 00:21:02.489 --> 00:21:07.609 you know, that they're there When it comes to being sociable, 00:21:07.769 --> 00:21:11.469 they're just a little awkward, a little weird. They do things bizarrely. 00:21:11.769 --> 00:21:18.509 And there's men who can come up and look beyond that and see the person who 00:21:18.509 --> 00:21:20.269 is a beautiful soul trying. 00:21:20.569 --> 00:21:25.029 But also at the same time, thanks to the internet, a lot of men have stopped 00:21:25.029 --> 00:21:27.509 trying to make new friends. 00:21:27.509 --> 00:21:37.189 Now, you can have a relationship with guys online through game chats and things 00:21:37.189 --> 00:21:41.089 like that, and they do an okay job, 00:21:41.349 --> 00:21:45.549 but to be able to see a guy face-to-face as you're talking with him, 00:21:45.569 --> 00:21:48.909 as you're standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him, as you're doing some type 00:21:48.909 --> 00:21:55.789 of project, is kind of a cheap knockoff of a true connection where you get to see people. 00:21:55.789 --> 00:22:01.489 And another reason why so many men don't have guy friends is because they lost 00:22:01.489 --> 00:22:04.289 the challenge that their, their girlfriend gave them. 00:22:05.109 --> 00:22:11.149 Cause we are, we do have these different tests. Our, our girlfriends and our wives love to test us. 00:22:11.169 --> 00:22:15.209 They love to make sure, Hey, are you really the man that you're meant to claim to be? 00:22:15.369 --> 00:22:19.489 You have all these friends. If I ask you to drop those friends and I get you 00:22:19.489 --> 00:22:23.829 my approved friends, are you going to, are you going to listen? 00:22:24.089 --> 00:22:28.669 And sadly, a lot of men go, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And they drop those good friends 00:22:28.669 --> 00:22:34.389 and pick up the slightly incompatible friend that their Their girlfriend says 00:22:34.389 --> 00:22:36.289 you need to be, you need to turn to. 00:22:36.409 --> 00:22:40.529 And then they, the girl wonders, why are you not, why are you not the same? 00:22:40.669 --> 00:22:45.729 Well, because you don't let me be around the men who make me great. 00:22:45.949 --> 00:22:53.909 I am around men who are your friends. So I'm not able to fully let loose because you know, your buddy, 00:22:54.109 --> 00:22:57.469 your, your friend's friend is going to end up telling your friend, 00:22:57.529 --> 00:23:01.509 which is going to tell you, and you're not going to understand guy. guy. 00:23:01.689 --> 00:23:08.649 So when a girl challenges you to, Hey, what, this is what you need to do. 00:23:08.709 --> 00:23:12.869 This is what you need to do. You need to drop these people and bring these people on instead. 00:23:13.289 --> 00:23:17.569 That's where you need to go. No, I'm good with this, with this group of friends. 00:23:17.689 --> 00:23:21.929 I am good with this Bible study group. I am good with this. I don't care whether 00:23:21.929 --> 00:23:23.289 you think it's good or not. 00:23:23.989 --> 00:23:28.789 I'm doing this. I'm staying with with these guys and she's going to do what 00:23:28.789 --> 00:23:33.589 she can to get to convince you to change your change your style. 00:23:33.669 --> 00:23:38.749 And when you do, she wins and that's going to drop the level of respect. 00:23:39.069 --> 00:23:43.309 You lose the connection with her and you lose the connection with, 00:23:43.409 --> 00:23:45.369 with your, with your friends. 00:23:45.509 --> 00:23:53.329 Yet, if you can stand tall and hold off and pass that, that challenge, 00:23:53.329 --> 00:23:56.749 you'll find your life becomes a lot better. 00:23:57.629 --> 00:24:01.349 Because see, relationships, like I said, are so important. 00:24:01.549 --> 00:24:05.849 They are crucial for us men to have fulfilling lives. 00:24:06.149 --> 00:24:11.369 That's the man's pillar. The third pillar or the fourth pillar is the man's community. 00:24:11.669 --> 00:24:18.029 We have to have a community of men who lift us up that we get to lift them up too. 00:24:18.409 --> 00:24:25.129 And we're just kind of like those overlapping knives that you get all four of 00:24:25.129 --> 00:24:31.929 them overlapped. You can actually, it'll hold up a cup with no other support. 00:24:32.169 --> 00:24:38.109 We need to have more relationships. And if you're looking to improve your relationship, 00:24:38.469 --> 00:24:41.489 maybe you have a spouse and the relationship's getting a little stale. 00:24:41.569 --> 00:24:45.349 You're in the roommate phase and you want to get out of that. 00:24:45.429 --> 00:24:48.569 You want to get past that. To do that, you have to be able to grow. 00:24:48.929 --> 00:24:52.149 Are you willing to grow? If you are, reach out. 00:24:52.149 --> 00:24:55.689 Out go to me go to relaxmail.com forward 00:24:55.689 --> 00:24:58.569 slash coaching offer right now you can 00:24:58.569 --> 00:25:06.669 actually get coached by me for 95 off that is a a steal because these this package 00:25:06.669 --> 00:25:13.689 is going to last you for three months and is going to give you just value upon 00:25:13.689 --> 00:25:17.029 value we're going to change how you look at relationships. 00:25:17.609 --> 00:25:24.829 Why the wife's reactions to what you do aren't so bad, 00:25:25.029 --> 00:25:31.729 why you can actually see how she reacts and actually be okay with how she responds 00:25:31.729 --> 00:25:33.129 to whatever it is you say. 00:25:33.309 --> 00:25:38.289 We're going to change how you look at the world, how you actually relate to 00:25:38.289 --> 00:25:43.889 your girlfriend and And to your wife so that she is showing you more respect, 00:25:43.969 --> 00:25:53.209 how you can become a stronger, better person by simply improving your pillar of community. 00:25:53.409 --> 00:25:57.709 If you want to know how to do that, go to relaxedmail.com forward slash coaching 00:25:57.709 --> 00:25:59.349 offer all one word, no spaces. 00:26:00.348 --> 00:26:04.288 Fill out the form. I'll get back to you and I'll send you a link as to when 00:26:04.288 --> 00:26:08.828 we can sit and have a consult call. So I'd love to hear from you. 00:26:09.948 --> 00:26:13.928 If we end up following it, going with each other, like I said, it's 95% off. 00:26:13.988 --> 00:26:19.488 So it would be $300 for a six month coaching pay. So it's $100 a month. I know you can do this. 00:26:19.768 --> 00:26:25.468 It's a little high for some folks. I get that, but that $100 will cause you 00:26:25.468 --> 00:26:30.708 to want to have more skin in the game. You will be more present. 00:26:30.928 --> 00:26:39.068 You will actually do more because you're throwing $100 a month at an investment 00:26:39.068 --> 00:26:45.628 that improves you and your family's relationship. You're willing to do that. 00:26:46.728 --> 00:26:52.248 You're going to be willing to make the needed changes in your life. 00:26:52.248 --> 00:26:55.408 Life made major changes within how 00:26:55.408 --> 00:26:58.048 you think of your life so guys with that i want to say 00:26:58.048 --> 00:27:01.228 thank you very much for listening if you have any questions please 00:27:01.228 --> 00:27:07.588 shoot me an email over brian with a y at relaxmail.com if you have any uh any 00:27:07.588 --> 00:27:12.588 comments anything again brian with y relaxmail.com i would love to hear from 00:27:12.588 --> 00:27:18.388 you if you this uh this episode resonated with you or god caused you to to think 00:27:18.388 --> 00:27:19.668 of a, of a friend of yours, 00:27:19.788 --> 00:27:24.988 share it out, hit that share button on your podcast platform or choice and send 00:27:24.988 --> 00:27:28.208 it to them, send it to them as a text, letting them know, Hey man, I'm thinking of you. 00:27:28.228 --> 00:27:30.688 I think this would do you good and share it with them. 00:27:30.768 --> 00:27:34.588 Let them know, Hey, there's a, there's a show out there that just makes sense 00:27:34.588 --> 00:27:36.608 to me. I think you would like it too. 00:27:37.208 --> 00:27:41.908 And let them hear it, share it out on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and 00:27:41.908 --> 00:27:46.968 threads and any Any other place that you go to that you listen to and let them 00:27:46.968 --> 00:27:50.968 know that you've got this podcast that you listen to called Relaxed Male, 00:27:51.088 --> 00:27:54.028 and it is changing men's lives. 00:27:54.748 --> 00:27:57.168 So, guys, with that, I want to say thank you very much for listening. 00:27:57.288 --> 00:27:59.128 Y'all take care. We will see y'all next week. 00:27:59.120 --> 00:28:17.222 Music.

[transcript]

14:55 the body of doctor John Forsyth. Days after doctor John 17:34 days before John disappeared. Now John also has an eighth 21:11 John was excited about his life. John had plans to