The Greatest Generation

When the Enterprise is sent to look for the missing USS Drake, Commander Riker is stoked to meet up with an old friend of his from Degrassi High. Unfortunately, when an away team searches for clues on a nearby planet, they discover that ship and crew were killed not by boring rap music, but by a sophisticated weapons system built out of sex toys. How does Captain Picard know parkour? Why is Vincent Schiavelli so great in everything he's in? Will Geordi be happy to know that Dr...

When the Enterprise discovers a busted up freighter in the Neutral Zone, they find the only surviving passengers are some Klingons who are far from neutral. These survivors follow the well known convention that any group of three Klingons have to have names that start with K, which is why Worf doesn't quite fit in with them. Worf's inner struggle becomes outer struggle as the survivors commit party foul after party foul all over the ship...

When Wesley Crusher (the boy?) begins his Starfleet entrance exams, he's got two things on his mind: overcoming his greatest fear, and overcoming a terrible Pee-wee Herman-style haircut. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Admiral Quinn and Lieutenant Commander Remmick are investigating a possible conspiracy, and pissing off the crew in the process...

Terraforming hasn't had this big a PR problem since the Genesis Project! The Enterprise crew arrives at Valera III for a science lecture, but wind up mounting an investigation into murder most foul, with the chief suspect being a brilliant scientist (whose resemblance to a Bond villain is more than skin deep). The shocking truth is revealed when Geordi and Data look down a deep hole without Riker there to show them the ropes...

The Enterprise crew is excited to meet the mythical Aldeans until they propose a classic "children for information" exchange, but when Commander Riker balks at the deal they take some kids anyway. This is a real problem for Captain Picard, because Wesley (the boy?) is among their victims. Why'd the Aldeans take only the white kids? How long can Picard go without Wesley? Didn't we already fix the ozone layer? It's the episode where there's no calculus allowed!

Admiral Mark Jameson has one last job before he gets out of the Federation for good: negotiate the rescue of some hostages from his arch enemy. Jameson's just got one problem: he's weighed down by tons of silly putty that's been troweled onto his face. Fortunately, an alien de-aging drug has him getting younger (and sweatier) by the minute...

When the Enterprise pulls into a starbase for some maintenance, the Bynars are there to help with some Holodeck upgrades - which Commander Riker is all too keen to experience first hand. Unfortunately, Captain Picard crashes his party, and it turns out three is too many for Riker's 'bone. Meanwhile, the Bynars have taken the ship on a test drive back to their homeworld, with Picard and Riker becoming accidental stowaways...

Riker never had it so good when he and the away team arrive on Angel One, a planet of statuesque babes and feeble mini-men who could never fight in his weight class. But trouble is brewing as a handful of Federation citizens have shacked up with the local gals, putting Picard in a tough position as far as the Prime Directive is concerned. Speaking of positions, Riker is going through his repertoire with Sarah Connor, the smoldering demagogue that runs the whole planet...

When the away team beams down to the charred ruins of a desolate planet, they find body parts strewn everywhere that end up belonging to Data's twin brother, Lore. After assembling him they find out that like all pairs of twins, one is good and one is evil. But after giving Lore the full, unsupervised run of his ship, Picard is most concerned with Data's loyalty. The crew needs to figure out whose side he's on fast, because there's a glass pinecone that is bent on destroying the ship...

When Captain Picard has a big linguistics test to study for, he decides to procrastinate in the holodeck instead. Disappointing everyone, he chooses a program about a 1940's-era private detective, so Data, Dr. Crusher, and a random crew member join him. Turns out, there's a malfunction and people in the holodeck aren't shooting blanks anymore, which would be a real problem if Picard had been able to get Beverly up on his desk like he wanted to...