The Greatest Generation

When Jadzia Dax assembles her friends for a symbiote bar mitzvah, everyone is invited. But when some guests overstay their welcome, it’s up to Dax to convince Kerzon that the party’s over. What’s the most boring video game? Which actor may be “too scary for tv”? Does Darien Wallace fuck? It’s the episode where we did it on the first take!

When Kira is confronted with the prospect of the most awful person possible becoming the head of her planet’s government, that news comes with a mission from that same awful person. But when she tries to repo some farm equipment from her old terror cell, it’s more than just pizza ovens in peril...

When a secret investment scheme by Quark’s mother is laid bare, it makes everybody else in her family uncomfortable. But when a freighter captain visits DS9, it’s apparent to everyone that Commander Sisko is looking to give her docking ring preferential treatment. What is dumb for a Ferengi? Do tomatoes have cores? Where’s Leeta in all of this? It’s the episode that’s going to confuse a lot of people “who don’t listen to both.”

When a bend-at-the-waist hug, leads to a father/son sailing trip, the Sisko men get to cranking. But when the adventure threatens to provoke a diplomatic incident, they’ll have to keep their new hobby in a bottle. Why is Dax cock-blocking Bashir? What’s a super comfy long-term sleeping solution? Can Chief O’Brien get “I love you, man” drunk? Romulan scientists are so vain, they probably think this discovery’s about them...

When Enabran Tain devises a military strategy straight out of the Admiral Hanson playbook, the fight does not go well. But when their plan to splash the Founders puddle gets them all wet, Garak must choose between escaping with his friend or going down with the ship. How do you pronounce Enabran? What do you do when you have too much bag? Are you a thermos or a jacket person? It’s the Ginuwine “Pony” album of podcasts!

When an attempt is made on Garak’s life, it’s not just tailoring paraphernalia that gets blown out into the open. But when the Cardassian spy stops dissembling and the Tal Shiar stops playing chess, the potential conflict takes on a Spaceball One sense of scale. Is Quark finally fulfilling his debt to society? How big a threat are the Romulans now that they can walk two abreast? Do the Star Trek caves have mattresses on the floor? It’s the one where Garak Jazz Hands take on an ominous overtone.

When Commander Sisko gets taken to the Mirror Universe, he makes strong choices w/r/t “the right thing to do” vs. “the Mirror Universe thing to do.” But when confronted face to face with his Prime Dead wife, his mission begins to suffer from a case of performance anxiety. Is the human brain capable of grappling with the sexual morality of multiple universes? Are the Pakleds in charge? Should we be getting more cut fruit in our diet? It’s a feel-good version of politics that you wish existed.

When Garak is in the midst of soundly defeating Bashir in a round of Birthday Chess, Quark introduces a scary man to the doctor. But when that man goes rummaging in Bashir’s personal space, that space turns out to be more personal than he originally bargained for...

When Chief O’Brien gets irradiated, the side effects are disorienting. But when his premonitions predict danger for DS9, he’ll have to rely on the only person he can trust: himself. How dangerous is the ceremonial garter throw? Is Sisko Kira’s “work husband”? Could Wyatt Miller be involved? It’s the episode that just puts a patch on the blowout.

When a mysterious stranger gives Quark blue oomox (bluemox? bloomox?), the ne’erdowell bartender is forced to room with Rom. But when the Nagus makes Maihar’du cry, Quark will risk everything to get Zek addicted to snuff again. Are we ever going to stop hearing about these stem bolts? Do Star Trek’s various giant, silent valet characters ever hang out? What’s the best board game to play with the desiccated remains of Ferengi? It’s the episode where we find out that the Prophets are just like us...